Creative ADD. The fine art of lack of focus.

No More Creative ADD

2008-07-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I decided the other day that I was going to turn a new leaf. I will no longer be ranting and raving about useless junk and trying to refocus my efforts on more positive pursuits. I have created a new blog called My Re-envisioned Vision. It's just a place where I can talk about the positive things going on in life and I will have a running list of inspiring blogs and things. There will likely be less focus on work and the not so good things happening in my life. So, if you will, please join me at myre-envisionedvision.blogspot.com

Thanks.

Cute New Hair Do.

2008-07-01T08:45:00.001-07:00

Thank god dance class is done, we could finally cut Stella's hair. I was soooooo tired of the "little girl" look she had going and wanted something only slightly more sophisticated to suit her face better. Here are pics, sorry no before, only after shots. Now tonight we start Acrobats, but only for the month of July, it's something she's always talked about wanting to do, so I figured why not for only $30.

Not Really Impressed and Other Disasters.

2008-06-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

Let's see, how was the Shop Hop Bus Tour??? Well, personally for me, I was greatly disappointed and if I had had to pay for any of it, I would have felt gypped. My first store was Scrappy Chic, which I love, but because I didn't know what to expect with the other stores, I didn't buy anything there, but I WISH I HAD! They always have what I want and the other stores did not to say the least. We did a really cool make and take there that was one of those framed glass necklaces, actually we did 2 of them and I was impressed that the make n takes in general were not cheap and not well thought out. So, as we were leaving it was pouring. My friend and I hopped on the bus and sat in the very back row. BIG MISTAKE!! I sat in the middle in the back row and I could see the road ahead of us and not to mention because of the rain, I had two leaks behind me one on each shoulder blade and one in front of me between my legs. My only consolation was that the rain did eventually stop, but not before the bus driver almost killed us and began fish tailing on the expressway due to a suddenly stopped vehicle. Next it was on to "Scrapbookers Inc." I'm not sure where it was exactly, but I think White Lake somewhere. It was a nice store, but because they were in the process of moving, they hardly had anything in stock, NOT COOL! The make n take was nice, a clip board that you hang with a ribbon and we stamped and embossed on it. It is pretty and I have it hanging in my hallway. Next we ate lunch, which was delicious and one of the only redeeming qualities of the whole trip and then it was on our way to "Maggie's Scrapbooking." Honestly, I don't remember where that one was. Here shop looked good when you first walked in, modern with lot's of room and a decent sized crop space, but she didn't have anything new, not even the new Making Memories stuff, which I thought was almost pretty standard in most stores, guess I was wrong. We made an ok plastic purse thing that we used glue and glitter on. Have you heard the saying that "Glitter is the STD of craft supplies?" You know it's true, once you get it on you, it takes forever to get rid of. Then finally, as we are running tremendously late, we head to fricking Sterling Heights to "Scrapbookers Emporium." Snooze fest and horribly ugly and long and boring make n take, I won't even describe it to you as I will spare you the U-G-L-Y details. We got there at about 4:45 and we were supposed to be back in Livonia at 5pm?!?!?!?! I had to be back home at least by 5:45 to get Stella ready for her Dance Recital, so I knew I was screwed and the other ladies didn't hesitate to tell me the same. We left that store at around 5:30, luckily and I was dropped off by my friend at 6:45 at the venue for the recital. I was so happy to see Stella there looking beautiful in her bun, kitty ears, makeup and kitty kat whisker face, which I was informed by my 4 year old that it was done in MARKER!?!?!? Luckily once I talked to daddy, he informed me that it was washable marker. MEN! Also, just before they were due to line up to go on stage she informed me that not only did she have to go potty, but she had to go #2, why now??? Well, everything went off without a hitch and in the end I bought her a rose to boot. The next morning when talking to her grandma on the phone who did not attend the recital, she told her that she "got a flower because she WON the dress rehearsal." I had to keep from laughing out loud as she was completely serious. My MIL told me that I did the right thing by getting her that little pink rose, because it was all she could talk about the morning of the recital.

Well, bed time for her that night was delayed by about 2 hours and we didn't even stay past the intermission, but the next day, she was just in a rotten mood by about 4pm and by 7pm we had had it, her screaming and whining at the drop of a hat was not what we could handle after such a long weekend. But, what made me really sad was that in the midst of struggling to get her ready for bed, teeth brushed and pj's on, she questioned if I loved her. What? Was this really something that was ever in doubt? Do brand new 4 year olds actually ask their parents if they love them? Did I do something horribly wrong? Have I failed at something? Tell me, have you ever been asked this by someone so young?

After all the good this weekend, I only hold tight right now to that one thought that lingered in my babies heart, "Momma, don't you love me?"

13 Weeks Along

2008-06-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

So, I am officially 13 weeks, and today was the first day where I didn't feel like puking my guts out after eating absolutely anything. YEAH ME!! So I've been really busy lately, just working and living and trying to be creative in some way each day, not always succeeding. You know, I just realized I us the "so," in my sentences alot, sorry, I'll try to avoid that. This Saturday should be pretty exciting as I am busy all day quite literally. Starting at 9:30am, my friend Julie is picking me up and we're heading to Scrappy Chic in Livonia to go on there store shop tour. I was asked to create the logo for this event and so was able to pay for 2 seats on the bus for both Julie and myself and we are both excited. 4 stores in one day, a ride on one of those luxury bus things, lunch, make and takes and special discounts at each store only for us. Then as soon as I get back, I need to get right home and get Stella ready for her first dance recital. We are due to arrive back at Scrappy Chic by 5pm and I need to get Stella to the venue by 7pm. That means bathed, hair done, makeup, costume, grab the shoes that are now WAY too tight and make sure my parents are ready to go as well. Oh yeah, fit some food in there at some point. But, Sunday, I will chill out and relax, hopefully it won't rain. Yeah right!

Wow! Scrapbooked Again.

2008-06-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

I entered a challenge at a LSS and here is what I did. The idea was to do a layout about a dad in your life and I had to use at least 2 Doodlebug products. I'm not really a fan of Doodlebug, so this challenge was sort of difficult, just to find those couple products, but I did, and I even like what I came up with. The title is "Dad Arms" and it reads: A father is only a man, but when his arms and strength are needed, he becomes a cuddly super hero. It was just a nice little exercise seeing as I haven't had a moment for myself in the last few months and I suspect that this will continue for about the next hmmmmmmmmm,..... 18 YEARS OR SO! But, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Peace.

So Much To Talk About.

2008-06-10T10:09:00.001-07:00

So, my little baby turned 4 yesterday and she's becoming so mature. Dressing herself, playing well independently, even closing here door when she needs to "be alone." How does this happen so fast, it seems like just yesterday this is what she looked like.

Now, here she is right after all her guests left her party on Saturday night.

Well, just to update everyone on the Posh Picnic kit, while it has not been as successful as we hoped, we believe it is due to a lack of info in the industry on just how to use digital scarpbooking supplies. We are working with Tricia from Cocoa Daisy to try different avenues on how to get the word out for people that are interested in our work, but just aren't sure how to wrap their minds around it.

On a different note, I've actually lined up a project for myself to create a First Year photo Album for a baby shower for a young girl a couple houses down who's having a baby that's due September 9th. When I first had learned that Mandy was pregnant at 19 with no husband, I was a little put off and quite honestly sort of mad. I mean, Matt and I have always done everything "by the book" "like we're supposed to" and yet somehow we don't always get the results we're expecting, so hearing that a teenager was about to be an unwed mother, was a little upsetting. But, after 14 months of trying, luckily we are now happily expecting.

Here is our first shot of baby #2. I've drawn around the shape for those of you who find ultrasounds confusing, because lord knows I used to feel the same way about them.

The Real Deal Now

2008-05-29T14:39:00.001-07:00

Here is our actual preview for our first ever digital collaboration kit at www.cocoadaisy.com and Mars and I are so very excited to have it go on sale June 1st, so please at least stop in the Cocoa Daisy shop to see it right there in all it's glory. Posh Picnic will be available for purchase for $9.75 and instant download and contains well over 200 pieces including but not limited to gorgeous patterned papers, 3 fabulous alphabets created by yours truly, quick pages, digital clipping masks, and a whole score of ribbons. Just check it out, the preview contains so much, but not quite everything, I could never have put everything in it. Let me know what you think of it. Plus, Mars created this way cool hybrid project where you can use our awesome digital papers to assemble fun cocktail beverage parasols. So cute! It should be a must for your next mixer involving alcohol or a a fun summer kids birthday party.

Can you say TWINS?

2008-05-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

Ha ha, fooled you, you actually thought I was having twins. Well, if you're Matt, you've been joking all week that you think I'm having twins. I guess it's because I'm only like 8 weeks along and already wearing some maternity clothes, even some neighbors have noticed that I'm showing, so I'm slightly terrified that on June 9th at 1:30pm, the ultrasound tech will inform me that she sees not one but TWO tiny babies growing. You see, my aunt had a set of fraternal twins, my great grandmother was a fraternal twin and apparently twins exist on my in laws side as well. Obviously having twins would be a blessing, a double blessing, but I don't know if financially we could handle it, Matt would probably have to become Mr. Mom for a while so that I could go out in search of a better job with insurance. That seems REALLY scary to me at this point, but if it had to be done, it would be. So, let's just pray that I'm sick because sometimes that what second pregnancies bring and I'm already showing because well, I weigh 94 pounds less than I did with Stella, yeah, that sounds good.

A Sneaky Peak

2008-05-20T11:34:00.001-07:00

Well, I know some time back I mentioned something about a venture that my creative partner and I were getting in on and well, it is almost upon us. Hopefully by June 1st my friend and I will have our first ever coordinating digital kit in the shop over at Cocoa Daisy!!!!!!!!!!!! If you haven't heard of them, please stop in and have a looksee www.cocoadaisy.com Tricia over there is SOOOOO amazingly cool and kind that she is willing to try it out for the month of June to see if anything sells, were really hoping to have a large, amazing looking kit to sell to all the veteran and newbie digi scrappers. Here is a sneak peak of what's to come.

This is really just the sample preview so you can see the items in the kit before you buy. Believe you me, the preview at the moment DOES NOT contain all of our items, we are still working on them. So, wish us luck, we both have our fingers crossed, and oh yea, the best part is we will be the only digital kit in the shop, so no competition. Lucky us!

Funny Stella.

2008-05-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

I'm back and fortunately for me, today was a good day. No pukey puke feelings, well a little at first maybe. Yes, we did tell the little miss, last Friday, and she seemed quite excited and for a while there, I thought I was gonna have to answer the "when's the baby coming out" question everyday. But, since the baby is due around Christmas, that is something that she can really grasp, but I'm sure once Thanksgiving hits, and all the holiday hoopla begins, THEN, I'll hear that everyday. So, it's been a couple days since she's asked me if she could talk to the baby, or has hit me right in the gut, but today, so funny, out of the blue she says, "So mom, how's that baby coming along?" I just laughed out loud, she is so wise beyond her years.

Nausea, All Day Every Day

2008-05-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

So, as I thought, my nausea is here to stay, but it seems that I can at least count on that by 7pm, LIKE MAGIC, it simply disappears. While this is not very conducive to an easy working day that I'm used to, at least in working from home, I can take cat naps and basically remain lethargic and in pj's if I so choose all day long. I'm still trying to figure out what it is I can eat that won't make me sick, it's really a lot of trial and error. I think that my caffeine headaches have finally passed, thank god, those were no fun in combination with the pukey feeling. I bought my first official pair of maternity jeans today and a couple of tank tops. Sadly my regular jeans are feeling a little snug and making me uncomfortable, even my "big" jeans feel tight. Well, I guess I'm technically almost 2 months along, and having had one baby already, this truly could be what is happening. Last night, what I was wearing really highlighted my pooch, I got a little excited I have to admit, I loved having my bump around, it made me feel more feminine if you can imagine. Oh yeah, we told my MIL about the baby and while she didn't congratulate us, she did in her very own way. And, she hasn't said anything negative yet, not even alone to Matt, so she must be happy. Let's just go with that!

Rough Day.

2008-05-08T04:29:00.000-07:00

Well, most of yesterday was spent horizontal because I simply felt like garbage. I'm so not used to this, even Matt had to comment that it's been a very long time since he's seen me just sitting around, I'm usually at least at my desk working if nothing else. However, the thought of sitting in front of my computer literally made me feel nauseous. Stella doesn't understand if I need to nap, she thinks it's a punishment for her, really all of yesterday felt like a punishment for me. When I was pregnant with Stella, I was sort of cocky because the worst of my symptoms was heartburn and that only occurred when I had acidic things, so it was easier to avoid those food items, but now, I have no idea exactly how to curb the wave that comes over me yet. I almost didn't get Stella to ballet class and even had to ask her dance teacher to hold class in the room that didn't have the bathroom, just in case I had to run in and puke. She was very understanding, but I quickly had to tell her that we haven't told Stella yet and she understood. We don't want to tell Stella until Friday and then we're gonna go over to my MIL's to tell her Saturday. We were gonna wait to tell her on Sunday for Mothers Day, but if I feel the way I have been, I'm not too keen on going over to her house for an early dinner, if you know what I mean. As it is, my SIL has a weak stomach and all I'd have to say is that most of my day is spent feeling like I'm going to hurl and it would set her off and I would be made to feel guilty. See, this is how it works for me. We don't know how my MIL will receive this information if she will be mad, happy, annoyed or all of the above, it's a toss up. If she feels like our situation is not conducive to bringing more children into the world, then she will let it be known. But, if we waited until all our little ducks were in a row, I believe I would be WAY past proper breeding age and then it would be preposterous for me to even think of having another child. And, not to mention, she had her two kids, LET ME HAVE MINE! Like I said, I don't know how she'll react, but I'm preparing myself for a let down. But, we're happy and that's all that matters, she'll come around eventually.

I'm Pregnant!

2008-05-07T05:29:00.001-07:00

I feel sick in the morning, the things that used to taste good to me make me feel sick, I get tired and sick in the late afternoon and have to nap. I can't seem to shake this headache that I have that makes me feel like I slept too long and of course I have to take those big long honkin' torpedo looking prenatal vitamins. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. Stella will be a big sister right after Christmas this year, so we are thrilled. I'll keep ya updated, but I'll spare you the how big, what the development is and such, but I will let you know how it's going. Thanks!

Our little Purrrrrincess!

2008-04-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

Stella had her picture taken today with her dance class. She will be having her recital on Saturday, June 28th, so it was picture day in full costume. If you can't tell, she is a Kitty Cat, well Copy Cat to be exact. It was fun getting her ready, a reminder of my former past as a ballerina. Most people probably don't know that I danced for about 7 years, everything from ballet to jazz to tap to hawaiian to clogging. At the time I didn't totally appreciate it, but looking back, I'm glad I did it. I think in a strange way it formed who I am today, someone able to adapt to situations and be who I am in a group be it silly, talented, serious, poised or a hopeless goof. I love her more than I could have ever imagined and to see her doing things I once did yet seeming so different from how I remember myself as a little girl, it's almost cathartic. To me, she was the cutest one there, but I'm sort of partial I guess.

The Week Of Boo Boos

2008-04-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

*EDITED*

So, it may or may not be obvious, but I know have a working keyboard and my sentences will be rife with s p a c e s and 123123123 and """""""""" and --------'s. Alright, aside from the new keyboard that arrived so did a very clumsy lady. It started Wednesday, she sat on the edge of a tv tray in front of the television and as it collapsed, she hit her chin on the edge of the table the tv sits on. She began to cry and then as I placed the band aid on she audibly said "Ahhhhhh." She's pretty tough, always has been, not a big crier out of pain, mostly out of annoyances. When ever she falls down now, before we can say anything at all, she yells "I'M ALRIGHT!" Later that night while outside with daddy, she ran and fell hurting her knees and staining her new tan capris, UGH dad! Again, she was alright. Today upon returning from grandma's house, she lifts her shirt to show me yet another scrape. This one looks to be the worst yet, and she tells me she got it when she "fell on the old pic-a-nic table." Love how she says things sometimes. So, she was tested this week by gravity, and while scathed, no worse for the wear.

On a different note, I am toying with the idea of participating in both the CK Scrapbooker of the Year Contest and the Memory Makers Masters Contest. Just think it would be good to get me scrapping again. And, yes my new venture she be launching in June, I will continue to keep you posted.

*I was just informed that on a bike ride with Daddy tonight while I was gone, Stella biffed on her bike. Fell flat on her chest, even elicited a person peeking out of his door to ask if she was alright. She cried for a moment and then got right back on her bike. That's my girl!

-Peace

Forgot To Post...

2008-04-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

So a while back when the weather was first nice, I forgot to post about the day I built myself a picnic table. You see, I really wanted one, but we just do not have the extra right now to drop $400 on a piece of wood, so we cleaned out the garage and found perfect substitutes for everything to build a nice sized picnic table thing. We found a piece of an old fence and 2 saw horses that were the perfect height for our collapsible chairs we use. Everything just came out very nicely and I only needed to paint on one coat of white paint to make it look good. Here are some shots from that day, Matt also built a bike for me that day from some spare parts. It was a great little family day and Stella had a blast!

Computer Lesson #1

2008-04-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

OK folks this is the keyboard lesson. Don,t drink and type. Especially if you are a spazz like I am and spill drink on said keyboard. The only way I,m able to write this here message is to copy and paste a sentence with already existing spaces in it and as you may have noticed, my apostrophe doesn,t work either. Tomorrow I really need to buy a new flippin keyboard!

Giving A Shout Out To My Homies!

2008-04-17T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, ok, technically they aren't my homies, but I've been chatting it up a little with Jen from Bam Pop and they are an amazing company. www.bampop.com

Not only do they design really cool stuff, but they are a genuinely nice and kind company that's willing to give a newbie a good bit of information with which to commence her journey into this all to often unfriendly world that is scrapbooking materials design. So, to you BAM POP I say I "Heart" You! And, I will be a customer of yours forever.

I Scrapped, I Scrapped, Oh My God I Actually Scrapped!

2008-04-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

I think I'm gonna start checking in with Effer Dares, www.efferdares.com on a regular basis to get myself scrapping again. The challenges are simple, but they are also just that, challenges. Basically just a one sentence prompt that will get you going and it got me to scrap about something I rarely get involved with, myself. It was fun and got me to take a new pic of myself. Not the most flattering, but yet another that Stella can look at later in life and show her kids when they ask what grandma looked like at 30.

Moving on, I soon will be involved in a new and exciting venture that I can't wait to reveal to all 3 people who read my blog (she chuckles, but it's true). I can't say exactly yet, but I will tell you that the name of the site involves something yummy to drink and something pretty that grows in the ground. The owner of the site is very excited about getting involved in digital scrapbooking kits and so are Mars (my partner from AZ) and I. Once things are fully established and live, I will clue you all in. I'm thinking it could be as soon as June perhaps. So, wish me luck ladies.

Catching A Break?

2008-03-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

So, the job stuff still sucks. Still working my ass off and still only recognized for my failures. Why don't employers see that not only do they need to tell us when we screw up, but also when we've accomplished something that surprised them in a good way, or we've surpassed there expectations, or if we simply continue to be there every single day, day in and day out without a raise in over a year???? EMPLOYERS OF THE WORLD: WAKE UP!!! Without us little peons where would you be? We, the work horses of America keep this little train called MONEY chugging along and you pay us our measly stipend and we just TAKE IT... We take your abuses, your lack of understanding and your mental anguish you impose upon us. Why? Because we sadly need you as much as you need us. UGH.

On a brighter note, I have a second interview for a job in Ann Arbor, too bad it's not a full time job, but it could eventually turn into one. I don't know if I want the job, but at least I could leave where I am, maybe.

I have this vision of telling off my boss. Not by calling him a jerk or what have you, but laying it all out there. I am only one person, I can't be expected to be perfect all the time, but it's not as if I miss things on purpose. I am not the only checkpoint in this assembly line, why can't person A be held to the same standards as myself, person B and you person C there is a reason it comes into your hands as well so you can then make sure things looks good. Besides, if your "team" is so well crafted, why don't you train them to do what it is that I do? Or maybe you can check your templates to make sure they are accurate for the things you are telling me I am doing wrong so that you'd see that you are really the person that finger needs to be waived at. Guess what??? It is you that are killing me!

Still Not Good Enough...

2008-03-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

So, I'm so f*ing tired of hearing shit from my boss. UGH!!!!!!! I thought I was doing well, but apparently I'm a huge disappointment and the only reason I still have a job is because he is being "courteous" his word, not mine. BULLSHIT, don't keep me to be courteous, man up and fire me and let me claim unemployment! I really am good at what I do, why can't anyone see that? I am desperate to find a new job, any job at this point, not even in design, as long as it pays pretty well, that's the only problem. I am way past the point of a $10/hr job doin' it for me financially. I am the breadwinner and have to find a job accordingly. Come on Michigan, get your shit together and let's get some jobs going, we are dying over here.

Normal Day.

2008-03-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

So, today was pretty uneventful. Worked, did the check book, made dinner, painted with Stella and think I had more fun than she did. I have decided however that I am going to start scrapbooking again to try and get published. I never have been, but it is a goal of my to get published as much as possible. I'd like to think that some of what I do has a fresh approach to it, probably doesn't, but a girl can try can't she? I know that you can't post any layouts if you've submitted it to a magazine and such, but here is a layout that I submitted just now for a local scrapbook store. If mine is chosen, I get an American Crafts prize pack. I love AC and would love to win any of their products. Not to mention, win anything. Hope everyone had a lovely St. Patty's Day!

Had An Interview Today.

2008-03-06T22:17:00.000-08:00

So, on a whim I saw something on Craig's List that I knew I was pretty much qualified for and thought what the heck, I'll email them. To my surprise, the position had not been filled yet, so I sent all my info and voila, I was asked for an interview. I wasn't really nervous at all, but driving to Ann Arbor at the end of the day of a very ECK week, I was practically drowsy by the time I go there. I tried to maintain good eye contact without looking like I had x-ray vision and tried to keep the conversation flowing. Basically the company is one of those home party sell ya stuff kind of places, but they need there catalogs redesigned in the proper program and generally refined. And, to boot, the woman wasn't at all concerned that I'd never created catalogs before. I simply told her that design is something that you either know or you don't, but creating something in a program is semantics. I think she agreed, now all I have to do is come up with a quote for completely recreating a 32 page catalog and making changes to a 60 page catalog. This should seem daunting, but at 1:22am it doesn't really seem that way. My problem is I don't want to overshoot my bid, but I don't want to get screwed in the process either. The woman kept hinting at me, well really telling me that they spend quite a bit to get these catalogs made, so basically if I do my research, I good get quite a pretty penny for this work. And, not to mention, eventually this could be an actual full time job. For some reason, I really think the woman really wanted me to have the job, that felt good. So, I created what we in the business call a "Leave Behind" special just for this company. Since they sell purses, jewelry and the like, I fashioned a resume/mini portfolio that looked like a purse, and she really seemed to like that too. Thanks to my scrapbooking skills, I pulled it off quite nicely, here have a look.

Yeah, today pretty much sucked.

2008-03-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

To start off, I was driving back home after taking Stella to grandma's for the day so I could "work" and low and behold, I got pulled over for speeding. Yes, yes I was speeding, but geez can't a girl catch a break, it totally made me want to cry. Not to try to get out of it, but just this whole year so far, shit on a shingle. Yup, got a nice fat chunky ticket for $85 and 2 points, goodbye clean driving record. Then get home, drink my coffee and eat my bagel from Tim Hortons and wait.....and wait.......waiting.....waiting and waiting. OK, any work today???? So, email the boss, sure sure got some on the way. RIGHT! 2:50pm, sends me a job. Well, 40 minutes later I leave to pick up Stella, oh but first the phone rings. It's my dear friend Julie who calls me to tell me that her father died today. God, why does this stuff happen to people who don't deserve it? I know that death is not something earned or deserved, but you and I both know that Julie and Scott have other things that they deal with everyday and now you add her dad, who up until this very day was FINE. I just don't understand life. One day your fine, the next you spouse finds you on the kitchen floor. What's wrong with this picture?

My brother Joe calls, he eats dinner with us, things seem to be getting better. Joe leaves we say our goodbyes, and Stella is tired and basically asks to go to bed. Wow, this NEVER happens. Matt trots her off to her room for stories, songs and lights out. She sleeps for about 30 minutes and then the marathon starts. I go back to Friday where she ate part of a "monster cookie" a concoction of overly colored frosting and 2 cookies. Yummy, but extremely messy and dieable. The next morning *warning: graphic content* her doo doo is half green-blue, half "natural" color. So, I laugh and say something about her poo being green. So, fast forward to today, she is obsessed about not wanting her butt to be green. At grandma's apparently she has wanted cream on her bottom constantly. And, so continues Matt's and my night of frustration and irritability. We both together do not deal with stress well, but usually try to balance eachother out when it comes to her, but not tonight. We were both annoyed after about 3.5 hours of the constant I want cream on my butt, I want water, I want cartoons, blah blah blah blah blah. It just got to this point where we're all just yelling. I'm sure all the neighbors could hear, I'm actually sort of embarrassed. Actually I feel like and vocalized that I think I'm the worst mother that ever existed, Matt of course disagrees with me, but what would you say to the face of the worst mother in the world if you were standing in front of her?

I love Stella so much, and would stand in front of a bullet for her if I had my choice, but she is so bull headed, where could she have gotten that from, and stubborn. If she wants something, she'll fight with us for hours, 6.5 to be exact, just to get her way. I think what finally did it was giving her a bath and then I put hydrocortisone cream on and she did ask one more time and finally I think exhaustion just wore her down. God only knows what time she'll get up in the morning, could be 6am for all I know.

Poor Matt went to bed about the same time as she did and he gets up at 5:30am, as for me, I am still awake at almost 3am but going to bed soon and will set the alarm for 8am, 5 hours should be sufficient. Here's to you Monday, let's hope Tuesday turns out better.

My Latest Project.

2008-03-03T07:41:00.000-08:00

Here, as promised are pictures of my latest piece of art I'm working on. It will eventually somehow house pictures and bits of ephemera. So, here's to being creatively inspired throughout your day. Peace.

Putting Out Good Vibes.

2008-03-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

So, I sit here tonight, trying to find books to read that will make me feel positive. It's hard, with how few jobs are out there, but I'm trying to remain motivated. I'm gonna look through Deepak Chopra's "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success," and Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life" in hopes that maybe as I sleep something will come to me. What stinks is that I know I could do what anyone would ask of me, it's selling that idea to a potential employer. I have been a designer or almost 1/3 of my life, I CAN DO THIS, please let me prove it to you. I need a purpose, I like being driven, I had goals, and things I'd like to achieve. Without a decent job, I am going nowhere and fast. I hate what my life feels like right now, sad, repititious, hopeless, redundant, lack luster, fleeting, scary, and most of all depressing. I don't want to feel any of these things anymore, I want to feel energized again, not sick of life at only 30. UGH!

How's Your Credit?

2008-03-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

So, anyone who reads this blog has seen that Matt and I aren't currently in the best financial situation, but I stumbled on this and may use it to start re-establishing our good credit. The website is credit cards for bad credit and it's purpose it to show the top 10 credit cards for people with bad credit and provides their application links so that you can just go and apply. It's just good to know that there are places out there for lost souls like us, who have good intentions, but not such good practices at the moment. Check them out, it may be your best chance, just like it could be ours.

Todays Cool Finds.

2008-03-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

So, today my friend Julie invited me to go to a Craft Show. The first one we went to was at St. Linus in Dearborn Heights and to be pretty honest, it sucked. I would say about half of the booths were not "craft" items, but rather, those home party items like Tastefully Simple, Cookie Lee, Home Interiors crap that if I was a crafter at that show, I'd be pissed. Aren't those people missing the point of a "Craft" show, they should have just called it a Crap Show. So, needless to say, we bought edible goodies there, probably the only good stuff at that show. The next one we went to was at the Lutheran High School in Westland by the mall. That was really good and I even bought a VERY unique bracelet there. Here is a pic of it. I warn you, it's sorta creepy, but I thought it was Oh So Cool! Yes, that is a real dead beetle. This is the exact bug that appears in my bracelet. I just thought it was such a novel idea. I've always wanted that piece of jewelry that everyone is like "Oh my god, where the heck did you get that." Her website is www.natureisbeauty.com and she has really cool stuff and she lives in Ann Arbor, I may be buying more stuff from her, just because it's so different. Maybe as gifts for my peeps, who knows. Also, today we went to Reuse Ann Arbor, SO COOL. I found two old screen doors that are about 1.5' x 5' that I'm going to put up on my wall and mount photos, Stella drawings and bits of ephemera to. I'll be sure to take pics later on tomorrow and post them. I'm really hoping that it comes out uber cool. I LOVE ART! I really like that my husband is so cool about what I like to do too, that definitely helps. He absolutely does not care what I do, as long as I don't touch his basement. I could care less about any room that dips below about 60 degrees in the winter time, you won't catch my anemic ass down there for long periods of time during these cold Michigan days. Well, until I have more randomness to speak of, peace out.

Creative Friends.

2008-03-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

Just want to write a little bit about someone that someday soon I'll be able to say I knew her when. I have been lucky enough to become friends with this woman whom I call Mars, but she will also be known for her CactusMango Designs. She is a truly amazing up and coming designer of digital scrapbooking supplies and I have been lucky enough to collaborate with and bounce ideas off of this truly talented woman. We actually make a pretty good team! We rock! I took a pic I had of Stella and added her cool doodles, you soon will see much more of this awesome chick and her ingenious design work. For now, you can see her work in shops such as Cafe Press and Zazzle at http://cactusmangodesigns.com/ and at the bottom a little something that will be revealed in time called Dreaming With Pixels. Check her out, she's a can't miss, then you'll be able to say, you used her stuff when she was just starting out.

Holiday Shopping, Already Thinkin' Bout It.

2008-02-29T18:09:00.000-08:00

Was reminded of this by Matt the other day as we were discussing Christmas time. Don't know if anyone has heard of other sites like this one, but this one seemed the most helpful. It's called Black Friday and you can find the site here bfads It basically collects all the data from almost any store you could think of and shows you all their Black Friday Christmas shopping ads. Better yet, they let you buy them over the internet from the comfort of your home for those of us who can't get there sorry butts out of bed at 4am the day after Thanksgiving like myself. All I did was pick out all the stuff Stella talked about through the weeks and started figuring out who had the best prices. Then when I heard about this place, they had the ads up ahead of time and I began shopping. I was even able to had things held at Walmart and just waited till things chilled out at the stores and picked them up from the store when I felt like, that way I saved on shipping too. I am definitely gonna do that again next year. And, I know how all you ladies like a good deal.

Sorry, all this snow lately has me thinking about Christmas, not feeling festive AT ALL, just thinking. Come on spring!

Vicodin Good!

2008-02-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

OK, this is sort of fun. Hopefully it is coherent, I just took a vicodin. Today I woke up and I couldn't stand up straight without pain. I didn't think too much of it but as the day wore on, I still couldn't stand up straight. I have never been to a chiropractor but something in me said, you really should go, so after about 7 hours of slumping over I carted myself and Stella to Dr. Jary. Of course my lovely HMO is not accepted, but luckily they only charged me $40 for my x-rays and $10 for my appointment. So, I really expected them to say nothing was wrong, but to my shock, I was informed that I had a pinched nerve in my back. The doctor asked me if I'd been in a traumatic accident and I couldn't recall any, until later when I talked to my dad. I now remember about 8 years ago I was rear ended in Plymouth on Ann Arbor Road in front of the Einstein Bros by a DTE cube van and it pushed me onto the front lawn of EB and my seat broke and I fell backwards. At the time, I was not hurt and nothing happened after that. Well, apparently until today. So, anyway, I need to go to the chiropractor 3 times a week, I can no longer sit on any comfy chairs until I'm healed and I have to put ice on it 3 times a day for 20 minutes and I can't lift anything over 15 pounds. What a pain in the ass. Not that I wish anything on Matt, but damn, can this be it for me for a while. Also, I can't sleep on my stomach anymore, this is my preferred position if you must know. The neat thing though is that tonight about 8pm, the doctor called to make sure I wasn't in too much pain and that I understand what he wanted me to do. That just never happens anymore. I would recommend this guy to anyone. The thing that sucks though is that I'm only 30, I thought this was the time in your life where your supposed to feel your best so that you know what your missing when your in your 50's and dealing with back pain and heart disease and glaucoma just to name a few. I really feel like I'm being jipped or something. So, bout half an hour ago I popped a vicodin and I am feelin good. I think however that my painting expedition that week and a half ago aggrivated it and made it come to life. The doc said that he was surprised that at this stage I wasn't having tingling, numbness and shooting pains in my legs. Scary! Also, this was an interesting tidbit I learned at the doc today. All those nerves in your spine basically tell your body what to do, so if one of those nerves is pinched, then parts like your sexual organs, bladder and what not don't always work properly. Now, the bladder thing made sense, but the sexual organs??? The woman who did my x-ray said that a patient of theirs was having difficulties getting pregnant, they found she had a pinched nerve and once it was corrected, she went on to have 4 children. This was interesting to me as Matt and I have been trying for about the last 8 months with no success and possibly even a miscarriage last September. So, this gave me some hope that there is another baby in our future.

Tonight I watched two movies, Disturbia and Premonition. They were good, I think Distrubia was the better of the two. That's all I've got for now it's time for beddy bye.

New Opportunity, Maybe You Should Try It Out.

2008-02-26T13:57:00.000-08:00

Just so everyone who does read my blog knows, I have been accepted as part of this amazing new site called Pay Per Post located at www.payperpost.com What I am hoping that it will do is really just give me more income and as you all have read, we can really use that right now. My co-worker emailed me about this woman who has multiple blogs and she runs multiple things on her blogs that earn her extra money. You will notice new content in my blog such as product reviews and general chit chat about different subjects than I have tackled before. The cool thing about Pay Per Post is that this has so much potential to earn EXTREMELY great money. I am watching a video and they have a panel of Pay Per Post bloggers talking about all the money they earn. One woman has earned something like $17,000. I find that truly amazing and if I could earn a $1000 I would thrilled. So, if any of you would like info on this, please contact me and I will fill you in. I guess my goal for taking this on really is to 1. either pay my car payment each month, or 2. heck pay my mortgage each month. So, hope that I will not disappoint anyone, but I can't wait to see where this opportunity takes me!
blog reviews

Lesson Learned and Lives Passed On.

2008-02-22T06:42:00.000-08:00

So, the other day I decided to kick my new job hunt into full gear, mostly due to panic. I am 30 years old, with 8 years of graphic design experience, there is no reason for me to be struggling this much. I have experience in web, print, marketing and illustration I should be able to find a good job! Not to mention worry about being able to make my house payment. So, I decided to look at all the job boards I could find, there are more out there than I knew of just by googling. Well, to tell you the truth, there aren't many jobs out there for graphic designers that don't have both print and web and flash and html experience, which actually isn't totally fair as all those jobs require specialty training and skills. However, due to Michigan's current economic status, many companies want an all-in-one kinda employee and to be honest, they don't want to pay for it. Sadly, in my current job, I have positioned myself to have much flexibility and decent pay, enough to be the breadwinner of the family and pay the bulk of our bills. But, when suddenly work drops off and because I'm working mostly from home, it becomes a case of out of sight, out of mind with my boss. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy for the most part and he's really come a long way in the organization department but you just simply can't make a life on 20 hours a week, not with any kind of home and certainly not in Michigan these days. So, as I said I was looking on all those wonderful job boards and decided to return to old trusty Monster. I hadn't updated my resume on there in a couple of years and decided to go ahead and do that. Well, let me just tell you, not that it's been a complete turn around, but companies have been looking at my resume left and right and I have been contacted by 2 recruiters for ACTUAL JOBS THAT REALLY EXIST TODAY, RIGHT NOW, NO KIDDING! To me, this is so exciting, I was starting to really worry that nothing was out there for me, but I have been redeemed. There is hope out there, at least that has been restored. And, just a tip, to get your Monster resume back at the top of the pile, make small changes to it and save them and that updates them as if they are new and more new employers will see yours. Good tip huh? Got that one believe it or not from my MIL who has never used the internet, but talks a hell of alot with the ladies that work at the dentist office. Thanks mom!

On a different note poor miss Stella is dealing with the croup again, uh, and so is mommy, not daddy so much as it is momma. We are on day 4 of this wonderful thing that is causing me, to have to sleep in her bed, which is ok, but I bought a cheapy mattress from Ikea, which works just fine for her, but for me on the other hand, I'm so worried I'm gonna ruin it because of my weight, not sure of the weight limit. So far, so good. Also, on Wednesday, I was heading to my MIL's late as usual but today we were going to her fave scrapbook store, so it was OK. I was supposed to be at her house by 10:45, which would mean I would leave our house at 10:30. Well, we didn't end up leaving our house until 11:15 but in the process of trying to take our normal path, we were blocked off by police cars in that direction due to some horrific accident. All I said to Stella was "God, I hope there were no kids in the car." A few hours later, our neighbor Cindy is knocking on our door with a card in her hand. I invite her in our home and she proceeds to tell me that the elderly gentleman that lives across the street with his wife, died tragically today in a car accident. I was paralyzed, I said "don't tell me it was the accident I saw this morning right off our street?" And she confirmed that indeed it was. By her understanding, he was hit head on and died on impact. It took the paramedics 30 minutes to remove him from his vehicle with the jaws of life. So sad, I didn't know Mr. Price much at all, but Bob and Cindy did, and Bod was Mr. Price's buddy. Always over there from what I could see, no matter the weather. Matt wonders if maybe this Spring and Summer, Bob may wander to see him if he's muddling in the garage, I think he really wants a "buddy" so this would be good for Matt. It's just scary about the accident, because who knows if it could've been Stella and I that got hit if I'd actually been on time that morning. I think my lesson here, at least to me is find the signs in your life that indicate that you need to slow down, it may just be the thing that saves your life.

Here's just a little before and after of Stella's first real haircut.

We've Been Busy.

2008-02-17T18:53:00.000-08:00

This was my weekend to be creative. I felt the urge to decorate. We moved into our house October of 2006 and pretty heavily painted all available surfaces. All except the bathroom, our upstairs bedroom and our little hallway. The bathroom because I haven't been able to decide exactly what I want to keep in there, just ugly fixtures, our bedroom because we are exposed due to a stairway with no doorway (I like it that way), don't feel so closed in and our poor little hallway because I just didn't know what to do with it. So, this week I decided to do something different. I wanted to create an area of interest in our itty bitty house that was like "oh wow, that's interesting." So, I decided to do a faux finish, keep in mind, this is my first time working with a faux painting product. It's definitely not to everyones taste, but in our house, we just do things and aren't afraid of color as anyone who has been in our home can tell. Living room = army green, kitchen = burnt orange, my studio = cranberry, Stella's room = dark purple and now (drumroll) turquoise with an opalescent white glaze over top. It came out nice I think and Stella and I have decided to pretend to swim when we sit in our hallway now because it reminds us of an oasis. Also, I created the light fixture from an object I found at the Ann Arbor Reuse Center, spray painted it white and Matt geniously created a thing with cut and bent hangers that wrap around the existing light fixture flesh with the ceiling. GENUS!! Here are those pics. The next project was the light over our kitchen table. The previous light was purchased from Ikea and we just found it to not really filter light well and to be honest we'd just grown out of it. So, be unconventional as we are, we took a paint can and Matt cut into the bottom, bent back the rough edges and I poked holes into the can all over to filter the light. I then took it outside and spray painted it white. Voila, weekend "This Old House" complete! Here are those pics as well.

Testing Testing S-T-E-L-L-A

2008-02-13T11:26:00.000-08:00

So, at this moment, my DD is sitting in her room for what I have dubbed "Quiet Time." This is a test that Matt and I have decided to try due to the fact that since she was little Stella NEVER, NEVER, NEVER napped for us. If we were lucky, we could eek out like 45 minutes maybe 3 times a week when she was real little, but after about 1, it went to nada. Currently our biggest issue with raising her is that wonderful thing known as the inability to listen until about attempt #5 when your blood is boiling and now you're actually yelling at them. So, today was the day I was to start the process of blissful quiet time. I informed her of it yesterday and again reiterated it today before we left for dance class. We came home and watched some TV, had lunch and the usual. I had already decided that for Valentines Day I was going to get her one of the Hannah Montana CD's. After about 15 minutes of explaining to her that it was music for her room and not something to put on the tv she was like OK, but can I get a doll house??? Oh, wait, I missed a step, she also proved to me today that she can spell her name. I asked her periodically throughout the day and each time she stated S-T-E ell ellayyy. Yeah, so I then told her that I was taking her to Target to get her a prize for learning to spell her name, knowing full well that it was really for Valentines Day. When she promptly asked could she get a doll house. So, here we are, back from Target, Hannah CD in the player and other than the din of melodic tunes, I have a quiet, albeit messy house. I don't care, I'm gonna enjoy this time.

Here's Meez.

2008-02-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

*EDITED*

Ok, so I fell prey to creating a Meez for myself. You should check it out, it's pretty fun. I will leave her, er me, up in the corner for a while, and maybe change her up a bit. Some who haven't seen me in a while will say, "but that doesn't really look like you!" Ah, but it does. I gave myself bangs the other night for the first time in like 10 years and my hair no longer appears as blond as it once was, more of a brunette now.

Can someone tell me how you can go from being EXTREMELY excited and motivated about an idea to AH WHO CARES in the matter of a few hours? It sucks, and I think it stems from WAY TOO MANY to count nights of staying up WAY TOO LATE that my lack of sleep causes my motivation to just go out the window at around 5:30pm during the week. I feel like I work a hell of a lot, but lately my paycheck reflects otherwise. Maybe for me, I need to work when the feeling strikes me and then get back to the doldrums of the other work. Anybody else have a time that the creative bug strikes them? I'd love to hear how your brain works.

*I removed said MEEZ because 3.5 year old said didn't look like me. What can you do?

So much can change in less than one day.

2008-02-08T19:43:00.000-08:00

I never know how to be perfectly gracious, but at this moment I feel overwhelmed by kindness. You never know how people can reach out to you when you are in need of some compassion. Matt and I really put ourselves out there this time and people were very responsive. The morning started out with a massive headache, but also with a little bit of hope. On a whim I sent out the email about our desire to get our Prosper loan funded and can I just tell you, within a matter of about 7 hours, our loan went from 61% funded to 100%. It really took me by surprise as this was my third and final attempt at getting a loan. Aside from all that, the outpouring of concern, understanding, sympathy, comfort truly warmed my heart. A special thanks goes out to Mars for the continuous daily support during such a stressful situation, Michelle with a very generous gift that I WILL be paying back and of course Jenn, my coffee clatcher, fellow mother, understanding dear dear friend whom I completely unloaded onto and then laughed quite loudly when she suggested a prescription for Zoloft. Only such a great friend could suggest you taking medication! Love ya Jenn, guess you do think I'm a little nuts. *Mental Note:* burn those naughty notes you naughty naughty girl.

Feelings of Change.

2008-02-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been too long I know, but at least I am back. So much has transpired since the last time I blogged, but alas, nothing of great importance. Had an interview, thought it went well, was denied. Very familiar story for me, but it only makes me stronger. I am more focused now with a passion and drive for who I am. I've been trying to really search myself to find out exactly who I am, and pull myself out to reveal to everyone. Ok, a little mellow dramatic, but it's really how I feel. I honestly feel that in order to be successful, you MUST do what you truly love and designing of scrapbooking materials is where I feel the most passion. I may not be up to par in that arena yet, but I WILL get there, you haven't heard the last of me people!! Here is just a little something I was working on a few days ago. I wanted to achieve the feel of the ocean, but in a really graphic way. Also, I love just using basic geometric shapes, it feels so real to me. So, here is a sample. Soon, I will add more. Also, on the DWP front, we are slowly getting our S#*t together. What do ya know, 3 awesome chicks are trying to start a business and we're all procrastinators. Not really, but sort of, just have tumultuous lives at the moment. But, just you wait, you WILL NOT be disappointed. We will be taking over the world.

YEAH FOR ME!

2007-12-13T08:17:00.001-08:00

Alright, why am I excited? Well, I may not have won the contest, but I was still asked to join ScrapStreet. I'm glad to join for alot of reasons, but as I read through there website, I am staying for one. ORGANIZATION!!!!!!! They have rules for Quality with a capital "Q." Wow, other places I've seen, this doesn't seem to matter as much, so I feel like this is a good fit for me right now.

The holidays are really close now, and it's not that I feel overwhelmed by any means, I just feel like I'm not able to enjoy them like I want to. Lately I don't have TIME to be with my family. Maybe it's just up to me to get that back. We need a Family Day. I want to scrapbook, with paper, with my daughter.

She is so grown up now, only 3.5, but god, she's not my baby any more. I finally bought her big girl bed lastnight and we're dismantling the crib tonight and putting together her bed so she can sleep comfortably. It makes me tear up a little, not just because she will now be able to get up at 3am if she feels the urge, although we're putting up the gate in front of her door again simply as a precaution. But, it signals the very end of anything baby. No more high chair, diapers and pull ups have been gone for 6 months, sippy cups are on there way out. Sitting on my lap has been done for about 2 years, and now the finality is a bummer. But, now we'll be able to go into her room and really see a Big Girl! My big girl. No more Goobie, now "I'm Stella!"

What I've Been Up To.

2007-12-06T11:21:00.000-08:00

So I entered a contest over at ScrapStreet.com and while I really enjoyed myself, it was probably the most strenuous thing I've done in a long time. I wish I'd had the chance to be involved in this contest and not have to work a regular job. It was just very hard to find good solid blocks of time to do what I wanted. I feel like I would have been able to do better work if I'd been able to give myself more time. So, here are the other pieces I designed for this contest. I won't know how I faired until tomorrow, but all I need is for someone to like what I do, that's enough for me. Because, if you have enough people that like your work, well then you have a following, now don't you.

My designs are the papers sort of in the background. I really like the trend of the office style papers, so I just put my own spin on them, by using none tradish colors and adding some cool elements simply made from many dots of different sizes. This round of the contest was done to collaborate with another designer to create a combo kit. I think it was pretty successful when combined with the cool Rusty Memory elements created by S&C Designs.

This round I needed to create a kit using a specific number of elements, solid papers and patterned papers. The inspiration from this came from my little brother whom is a musician and the color palette was one I've just always liked. Typically both the color palette and theme come about simultaneously. Not always, but about 95% of the time. I was really happy with this and don't care what comes of the contest, I am proud of what I've accomplished.

The last challenge was to create an alphabet and number 1-10 for kit. I just wanted my alpha & #'s to match my wood grain and look "Well Worn" with holes in them. I think I achieved the look I was going for and again I am proud. We also had to create 2 layouts, one using another persons kit and one using our new kit.

I used CactusMANGO Designs Urban Tropics kit for this twist on the tradish Christmas layout. I really like it, and feel like it doesn't need to be red & green to show me it's Christmas time.

And finally, here is the layout using my kit, obviously featuring my inspiration, my brother Joe. He is a really amazing person and hope that he finds true happiness someday. On this layout I used a very cool Photoshop action to achieve the photo collage look. It can be found at www.panosfx.com

So, you can wish me luck if you like, but really, I'm just happy when I am able to create, and simply telling me if you like my work, puts just as big a smile on my face as if I were to win the Mega Millions lottery.
Thanks.

I've Been Tagged!

2007-11-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I've never done this before, but here goes. Thanks Jo, I'll do anything for ya.
luckygirljo.blogspot.com

5 things I was doing 10 years ago (November 1997):
1. Getting ready to take a semester off of college, thank God I went back.
2. Working my hated job at JCPenney in the juniors department.
3. Lusting after my friend whom I didn't know was gay.
4. Sneaking my beeper on my beltline at work.
5. Driving around in my first new car. 1997 Saturn SL. Tres chic.

5 things on my to do list today:
1. Laundry, laundry, and more laundry.
2. Waiting to win a computer on Ebay for my dear sweet hubby.
3. Finish my Round 3 entry for the Scrap Street contest.
4. Take Stella to Kroger, I need more Diet Cherry Pepsi and a Kid Cuisine for her.
5. Make sure I know where Stella's tights and leotard are ready for dance class tomorrow.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Tim Hortons Coffee
2. Bagels
3. Almond Roca's
4. Apple Pie
5. Popcorn

5 songs I know the lyrics to:
1. Anything I like, I have the ability to know the words to a song within about the first 3 listening, it totally bewilders my husband.
2. Mozella Music
3. Ben Folds Music
4. Spoon song, can't remember the name
5. The Backyardagins CD

5 of my bad habits:
1. Chewing Ice
2. Stay up too late
3. Do too much
4. Easily Distracted
5. Addicted to Diet Cherry Pepsi

5 things I'd do if I were a millionaire:
1. Buy everything I've always wanted.
2. Pay off bills and family bills
3. Buy a house anywhere my husband wanted to live so he was happy
4. Move to Europe
5. provide my entire family with all their insurance needs.

5 things I will never wear again:
1. Skinny jeans.
2. leggings.
3. stonewashed anything
4. short shorts.
5. belly shirts, no one wants to see that.

5 of my favorite toys:
1. Camera.
2. iMac
3. Cropodile
4. ?
5. ?

My Return to the Living.

2007-11-11T07:32:00.000-08:00

So, I'm back and slightly less hefty. No, haven't lost any weight, but let go of some obligations that I felt were weighing me down. Now maybe I can focus on what I really want. I want to be a successful designer of scrapbooking materials and now I can focus better. I don't feel as much outside pressure. I have entered a contest for a spot in their shop as a designer and here is my Round 1 entry in which we had to create 8 elements and nothing else. I really wanted to focus on type because it's something I feel passionately about, yet struggle with myself in creating for my paper layouts. Here is my entry titled "One Simple Word" I went on the internet in search of things that come in sets of 8 and stumbled upon the idea that there are 8 basic emotions: Joy, Acceptance, Fear, Surprise, Sadness, Disgust, Anger & Anticipation. I then went to http://thesaurus.reference.com/ to find other words for those words that meant the same things but seemed to have more impact such as "Jubilance" for Joy and "Cooperation" for Acceptance and then formed my art around that. It's a familiar process for me, one I used back in my college days and it always seemed to be a good starting point. Take a look. You can pick it up for free at http://scrapstreet.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=13537&cat=727
while supplies last. Just Kidding.

New Horizons.

2007-10-17T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well, won't get into it, but "Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face." The future has possibilities and I am HAPPY. That's a word I wouldn't have used to describe me lately, but things are lookin' up! You know who you are. (wink, wink) I even digital scrapped a page today with my kit Eclectic Autumn. Let me know what you think.

Better All The Time.

2007-10-11T15:47:00.000-07:00

Things haven't changed much in my life, busy as ever, with no signs of changing. I'm still working alot and trying to make time for me and my design stuff, but also making some great friends along the way. Mars and Jo are amazing people who I really feel like I've formed a bond with strangely enough over email. We are all apart of KJOI Studios at www.kjoistudios.com and are all the same age and I think that has sort of bonded us, along with other stuff too.

Mars is an awesome designer and has some of her designs over at KJOI too, http://kjoistudios.com/shop/index.php?main_page=index&manufacturers_id=9 she's definitely worth checking out. She is running a sale of 50% off and so, what better time to buy than NOW! She has a really nice blog you should check out too, never at a loss for a thoughtful affirmation, cactusmango.blogspot.com

Jo is a very busy mom of a 9 month old and a nurse, who somehow finds time to create beautiful LO's with our kits from over at KJOI. Her blog is fun to read and always full of gorgeous things she's created, luckygirljo.blogspot.com/ check her out.

Thank God for creating situations that put you right within the line of sight of very cool people. I don't get out much anymore and really only see people I've known all my life, so the internet is my new frontier for friendships and I'm so happy to have met these awesome ladies.

Here is a pic of my latest kit "Freaky Creepies" named for what Stella refers to those cool halloween ads with costumes that we all receive in the mail at this time of year. Once I get it into the shop, I think I'll only be selling it for like $3.00 as I would like to sell as much as I can, and maybe the weekend before Halloween I'll run a 50% off sale.

Whistle While You Work.

2007-10-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

So, they say you can get anywhere with persistence and hard work. I believe that it's true, I feel like I work extremely hard, but when will it start to feel like it's paying off? Maybe I'm not focused enough, maybe it's just not time yet. Whatever it is, I just hope I don't run out of steam before it does.

I realized today that my little girl is no longer my little girl. I've already felt that "push" they make to sort of separate themselves from you. It made me sad. I try to grab hold of her as often and I can, but she always manages to slip away. Today I sat on the edge of the bath tub, picked up her nearly 4 foot frame and sat her on my knees. I held her face in my hands and said "I really love you, you know that?" Her response, "you do?" Then she pushed herself off of me and ran into her room, after that we sorted her laundry and went to the basement. I know that she knows I love and am in love with her, but I never want her to not hear it. I don't think you can say that enough to a child. She's everything I never knew I wanted.

I've created a new kit for KJOI www.kjoistudios.com that I am extremely proud of and poured my heart into and I hope folks really dig it. No one has purchased it yet, but I'm hoping that with being in the "Designer Spotlight" for our next ezine due out October 5th, free to download at the KJOI website mentioned above, that it really prompts people to buy. I spent a whole lot of time on this one and it's WHO I AM! This is my passion people, please be supportive. If you don't scrapbook, tell your friends that do. If you do paper scrapping, trying something digital, maybe it will inspire you creatively. Also, the advantage to digital scrapbooking is that you possess those materials for the life time of your ability to save the digital images. You can use them millions of times and even print them out to use for hybrid or even 100% paper scrapbooking. Here is the preview I created of my kit, Eclectic Autumn. It fing rocks in my opinion.

Sad in private.

2007-09-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

So, this week started out happy, then very sad. Starting from about Tuesday morning, I believed that I could be pregnant. We are trying for a baby and I really am ready to have one now. Stella turned 3 this June and I'd like to have another one before she's much past the age of 4. So I bought 2 tests on Thursday morning after dropping Stella off at grandma's. When I got home I took the test. The result, while extremely faint, was still a positive. I told myself that I would take another Friday morning as a way to lock in my beliefs and then schedule an appointment with a doctor in order to prove it. So Friday morning I take yet another test. And, while still very faint, it was a positive. The reason I felt so strongly that I was pregnant was because with Stella, it was also very faint, and I was sure that I was not pregnant, but TAH DAH, obviously I was. So, I was very excited on my way to work. But, when I arrived, something didn't feel right so I went to the bathroom and to my horror, my period had started, but not in the normal way that it goes. All ladies have their routines of how things start and mine just wasn't normal. So, I don't know what i am to call it, but the day just got shittier from there, I won't go in to that, but it got much worse before it got better. It involves dealing with my insurance switching to an HMO, having to talk with a doctor I don't know with an accent so thick I can't understand him and wanting to bawl my eyes out all day at work because I don't make enough money to do much of anything right now until Matt is finished with school. I must work 50 or more hours a week in order to survive beyond poverty and I am so exhausted and can't help but believe that the reason I lost what I feel strongly was a pregnancy is due to all the stress that I am under. I am better today emotionally, but everything else is the same. I just need to accept the fact that I must WORK, WORK, WORK till my fingers bleed. I need to de-stress though if I'm ever to conceive fully. Another concern is the cyst they found on my ovary this summer that I fear will hinder any attempt I make. Please Lord, let me have what I so desire.

So tired. So, so, very tired.

2007-09-13T17:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for a while because honestly I haven't had the time. I put in 10 to 15 hour days at least 5 days a week and when I'm not doing that, I'm trying to fulfill some other creative outlet or obligation that I have. It's not easy being me. Combine that with the stresses of being the breadwinner, having a 3 year old and trying to create a second little one, fitting in sleep is an increasing problem. I meant to get up at 5:30 this morning, but couldn't muster the required energy to do it, so ended up getting up at 7:30, not too bad, but I could have gotten 12 hours in today instead of my 10. Oh well, when people get old, they don't talk about how they should have worked more now do they.

I am creating a new kit for KJoi right now that I am really proud of and hope that it sells well. Once I get the preview done, I will post it here, maybe someone besides me is looking at this blog, but I believe about 7/8 of the previews to my bio are made by me. In time my dear, in time.

I finally stood up for myself the other day, through email anyway; my balls aren't that big yet to do it face to face. I will spare the details, but will have you know, I haven't felt so good about myself and my feelings in quite a while. How many of you out there have that person or people in your life that just simply have a way of making you feel just down right dumb? Well, it is a running theme for me and I believe it started with my brother. He is the middle child, I am the oldest, and I think we have a great relationship now, but it definitely didn't used to be that way. It was not unheard of for me to be chased around the house at knife point (please don't call the police he never actually used it) but the threat was there if you know what I mean. Anyway, he always had a way of making me feel stupid about anything I did, he really had a knack for it. Even at a very young age. I believe he was only about 9 when he told me that he thought that because I had quit my dance classes, that that was the reason I was getting FAT. Wow, low blow little bro. I know I have pretty much always had low self esteem to some degree and did feel like I wasn't very smart, compared to him. And, really, all the times in school where I felt bad were either when I didn't come off smart or when someday just blatently called me a fat pig (yes, that actually did happen once to me as I walked home in high school). Kids are so cruel, it makes me worry about my beautiful little girl.

So, the standing up for myself I was referring to earlier. I will spare the details, but what I did was basically call someone out who has been in and out of my life that just always ends up making me feel sort of worthless and silly. So, I turned the mirror around on this person and told them that maybe they should ask people who's friendships they DO value if they've ever been hurt by something they've said. This person is very savvy and charismatic, I'm a little jealous of their ability to maneuver in given situations, but not at the expense in which they hurt people in a truly scathing manner.

It does feel good sometimes to be a titch bit bitchy!

WOW! September 1st Already.

2007-09-01T12:27:00.001-07:00

Can't believe how fast this summer/this year has gone by, it feels like just yesterday that we bought our first home and here it is nearly one year later. We actually signed the paper on Friday, October 13th (bad omen right, no) but we moved in the weekend before Halloween. We spent sooooooo long, longing and looking for our first house, that I wish the days would slow down, so I felt like I could enjoy it more. I took Stella clothes shopping today at Children's Place, I love that store. If I were me at 3, I would've had a wonderful time. Matt told me all the clothes I picked out are like things I would wear, they were of course, why else would I buy them. I didn't buy Stella anything she didn't like, I'd sooner throw the money in the garbage, because she'd have a huge fit and not wear it. She only turned 3 June 9th, is this possible for her to have an eye for fashion already? I was in denial that she was getting bigger and that just because she was 3 meant she was a 3T, well at her 3 year doc appointment she was already 3.5 feet tall and now I am sure it's closer to 4 feet, suddenly everything is way too short. I don't know where she gets it, I'm only 5'4" and her dad isn't quite 6', maybe she's a freak of nature or destined to be a runway model. So, took her shopping, which she loves by the way, and she kept going around the store saying "We should get this mom," or "Ooohhh, backpacks, I'm gonna need this for my school soon." I said, sure baby, in about 2 years we'll get it for you. She was even cracking up another woman who was shopping in the store. She always makes me laugh, even when she's being a baddy, I just have to laugh. I tell people, if I'm laughing, it's keeping me from crying. Right?!

My back was killing me earlier while we were shopping and now it's sort of OK, I think it's due to me sitting on my couch and using my computer. Not very ergonomic huh? I'm going to be in the designer spotlite in our next newsletter coming out September 20th, check us out over at www.kjoistudios.com It's a very cool spot and every single person over there is hella talented. I will offer a huge kit I am making especially for that issue at a price reduction of 15%. It's going to have some really cute little elements in it.

Well, I think for today, that's enough, I need to clean my studio and get my computer back to a place where I won't hurt my back anymore. Toodles.

Creative Freedom. C-Blocked By Life.

2007-08-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I know that's sort of crude. But, it really describes how I feel lately. I feel SOOOOOOOO creative in my head, but after working anywhere from 6-12 hours in a given day 7 days a week, I no longer feel like being on my computer. I'm sure many of you have the same problem as well. And, the problem seems to be that I know what I like, but I feel like anything I start to create has already been created and while that is true, everything in the world has already been created, it's just the artists job to put their own little twist on everything and this is what I struggle with. Does anybody out there get me? Can I get an amen?

My deepest hearts desire longs for me to be a famous name in the scrapbooking industry. To live a comfortable life, never a want for anything reasonable and to give my daughter and subsequent children what they need, or small things their little hearts yearn for. I'd love someday to own a flat or small home in a chic town that I can go to once a month to be creative and have a little freedom from the everyday, for that I would like to pay cash and have something free and clear, well, we all know 2 things are for sure, death and taxes.

I would love to overhear someone say some day, when does that new Brooke Rochon line come out, I just love her stuff. I admit, it would inflate my ego just a titch, but who wouldn't it do that to?

I feel like I'm paying my dues now, but having just turned 30 one week ago today, I am bound and determined to make my 30's, the start of a successful life. I have always believed, if you can dream it, you can be it. I have my mother to thank for that. She is the guiding force in my life and the reason that I am the resilient and determined person I am today and who I hope my daughter aspires to be like someday too. In the same vane, I own my daughter for popping me out of a shell that I had stuck myself in starting about in middle school, it's amazing what children can do for your self esteem, I owe her for making me even stronger each day than the day before.

I guess I'm not really C-Blocked By Life, it's just my path. Cause really, if there's no struggle, is it really worth doing?

She's the reason I do what I do everyday!

It Can Be Done.

2007-08-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

So, I DID IT! I got up at 5:30am this morning and was able to achieve my goal of getting in 11 hours and being finished by 6pm this evening with my work for the day. I had the night reserved for me. I didn't get alot accomplished, but I didn't worry about work. I am really stressing about getting more stuff done for KJOI. I so am devoted to what Kara is doing, I just don't all the time in the world to do it. I mean between having to work all the time, having Stella, having a husband who's going back to school, and trying to do a couple other scrapbooking industry related things, I am plumb tuckered out. Hopefully my new plan of getting up at 5:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays will do that for me. HOPEFULLY. Also, my husband going back to school will in a pretty short period of time help alleviate alot of my stress by him being able to get a much higher paying job, and he's going into the design field to boot, so that should be interesting. I'm just so whacked out in the head most of the time that as I'm typing this right now I sort of feel like I'm floating on a cloud. Does that make sense? I think that stems from not getting enough sleep the last two years and being anemic and being on my period now. It's just a triple whammy.

I have a ton of ideas written down in my special book that I like to keep all my ideas in I just need to make that special time for those special ideas. They deserve it the little guys. I need to nurture something of my own, as I don't have a baby anymore, well yet anyway. More on that later. So, for the moment, I need to make my art my baby. If I ever want to get anywhere in this world, I must feed that inside of me which inspires and excites. Power to the people!

Time Management, It's Worth A Shot...

2007-08-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

So, I've decided that what my life needs is TIME MANAGEMENT! I will attempt to go to bed by around 11:30pm and awaken my slumbering sluggish body by 5:30am. The reason I am doing this is so that I can be done with that silly job stuff earlier in the day and have time for myself and other more artsy pursuits in the evening, and hopefully not have to work weekends either. You see, I have the complete luxury of being able to work from home 5 out of 7 days of the week, but, 2 days a week I'm supposed to work at my bosses house. In the process of living the tumultuous life that I do (JK), I end up working nearly every single day all day long because I can't get my poop in a group. With the amount of work I "feel" like I'm doing, I would think I could get like 70 hours in a week, but somehow I manage to just barely achieve over 43 each week, sometimes less. Anyhow, my solution is to get up earlier and get done sooner! New mantra: GET UP EARLIER, GET DONE SOONER! Come on girls, join me now. Alrighty, don't let me forget to set my alarm.

Even the animals knew it was too damn hot.

2007-08-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

I decided Friday night at work to take Stella to the Zoo on Saturday. I knew it wasn't going to be as hot as it had been in the past two weeks. Well, was I wrong, it was so hot, I felt like I was melting, even the animals knew it was too damn hot to be at the zoo. They were all hiding in the shade laughing at all us idiots who weren't wearing sunscreen. I didn't realize until hours later that I had a great little sunburn going in the shape of what I wore yesterday, it looks very pretty. You see, I don't tan, so any color besides whiteish blue is "tan-like" for me. As far as the heat goes, since having my surgery, I am cold all the time. When I am working at home I usually have the air conditioner off, a sweater on and sometimes I'm evening sitting with a blanket on my lap. So, that heat yesterday was so intense, I literally felt like I was leaking. Oh well, this is what we go through to take a 3 year old to the zoo for the first time. She seemed to like it, what animals she could actually see from her vantage point, it's easy to forget they are at least 2.5 feet shorter than you. She did well, and never complained.

Lastnight I completed another kit. I like this one, but I'm not passionate about it. I have so many ideas and not enough time that by the time I get hyped about it, I've thought of so much more but haven't had time to devote to it that I'm sort of over the first one already. But, if I kept that up, I'd never put out anything now would I. So, here it is, I do like it, so I hope you do too.

Felt like a real mom.

2007-08-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day in quite a while where I actually felt like a mother to my amazing daughter. Most of the time I am obsessed with working, making her behave the way I think she should and keeping her out of trouble. But, today I knew it had to be different. grandma and I took her to a nearby water park called McClumpha Park. It is a park area with the normal playground equipment, but there's also an area that is for children with almost a foam like surface that has large scale equipment that squirts out water everywhere. Well, we took her lastyear and we couldn't get her to play and this year, we couldn't get her to leave. It was a blast, but extremely hot and muggy. Then we went to lunch at Einstein Brothers and came home and she swam in her little pool. She kept saying to the both of us that she had a fun day. When daddy came home we ate dinner and then she went in her pool again, but this time daddy got in the pool too. She loved it, they were splashing and playing for easily over an hour. So good to see them play and laugh together. After the pool, she got a bath, I know, more water, then we took a little walk. The goal was to wear her out so she would sleep really well. I love this kid so much, I can't believe she's 3 already. She keeps telling me that she wants a girl, meaning a sister. She already has an imaginary friend she calls Brother, who happens to be a girl. This morning while we were brushing our teeth, she kept looking around and said Brother is playing ball in the house with her friends. I said who are they and she said brother has 2 brothers. She has informed me that when she gets a girl, brother will disappear. Sometimes she just makes me laugh and scares me just a little.

I want to wear Little Pants.

2007-08-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

Today felt like such a long day. On the days I am semi-required to work at my bosses home, I feel like it's sort of wasted time. In the time it takes me to commute, I could get in an extra hours worth of work and save a few dollars in gas money, but Monday's and Friday's are "My" days. My husband is unusually chipper this afternoon, he has been on a diet of sorts since finding out he has high cholesterol I think the number was 234. So, in the last 10 days he's lost about 15 pounds or so, his goal weight is 160 and he's only about 12 pounds from there. I hate him! I had weight loss surgery just over two years ago, and I am still about 30 to 40 pounds from my personal goal, but with 95 gone, I'll keep my mouth shut. I actually asked him if he's cheating on me, jokingly only, I know he is not. He's just been looking to get healthy, I think he has a non-sexual crush on Lance Armstrong, something about participating in the Tour de France, I don't know. He's even decided to get a bunch of gum and try to give up smoking. I've got to give it to him, he has more will power than I do when it comes to certain stuff, but I am aiming to be extremely supportive and am so proud of his progress. It's even got to be making our daughter healthier, with just our little changes. We've stopped giving her chocolate milk, it was just getting to where she only ever asked for that and I always had to tell her, "No, it's white milk or water with dinner." Now, she only asks grandma for chocolate milk, she doesn't buy it any more either. Anyhow, I just let Stella put on her FAVE little pants, (3 year old speak for shorts) they are lime green with white polka dots. And, we are BBQing burgers for dinner, grills are awesome aren't they. So Easy! After I work a couple of hours tonight I am hoping to get to finishing my latest kit, "In My Backyard." I am really excited about my latest ideas about how to achieve "new" images. It's all about my own personal photography and photoshop, got to love that. Over and Out.

Coolest Day Evah!

2007-08-04T16:54:00.000-07:00

So, I saw this post at Pub Calls looking for Designers for a digital scrapbooking site. I thought to myself, " Gee self, this is something you've been looking to do for some time." So, at I think the very last possible minute, I sent Kara anything and everything I could that could possibly get me chosen to join her team. Well, after not receiving an email, I decided to be ballsy and send her one to ask if I didn't receive one, should I just take it to mean that I was not chosen to be on the team? Well, shortly there after, Kara emails me back to say that my email had ended up in her spam and that she would let me know within a few hours. Needless to say, about an hour later I got this gigantic email, that didn't say yes, but said so much more. I am truly honored to be considered among these other amazing ladies. Thanks again Kara!