New Horizons.

Well, won't get into it, but "Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face." The future has possibilities and I am HAPPY. That's a word I wouldn't have used to describe me lately, but things are lookin' up! You know who you are. (wink, wink) I even digital scrapped a page today with my kit Eclectic Autumn. Let me know what you think.

Better All The Time.

Things haven't changed much in my life, busy as ever, with no signs of changing. I'm still working alot and trying to make time for me and my design stuff, but also making some great friends along the way. Mars and Jo are amazing people who I really feel like I've formed a bond with strangely enough over email. We are all apart of KJOI Studios at www.kjoistudios.com and are all the same age and I think that has sort of bonded us, along with other stuff too.

Mars is an awesome designer and has some of her designs over at KJOI too, http://kjoistudios.com/shop/index.php?main_page=index&manufacturers_id=9 she's definitely worth checking out. She is running a sale of 50% off and so, what better time to buy than NOW! She has a really nice blog you should check out too, never at a loss for a thoughtful affirmation, cactusmango.blogspot.com

Jo is a very busy mom of a 9 month old and a nurse, who somehow finds time to create beautiful LO's with our kits from over at KJOI. Her blog is fun to read and always full of gorgeous things she's created, luckygirljo.blogspot.com/ check her out.

Thank God for creating situations that put you right within the line of sight of very cool people. I don't get out much anymore and really only see people I've known all my life, so the internet is my new frontier for friendships and I'm so happy to have met these awesome ladies.

Here is a pic of my latest kit "Freaky Creepies" named for what Stella refers to those cool halloween ads with costumes that we all receive in the mail at this time of year. Once I get it into the shop, I think I'll only be selling it for like $3.00 as I would like to sell as much as I can, and maybe the weekend before Halloween I'll run a 50% off sale.

Whistle While You Work.

So, they say you can get anywhere with persistence and hard work. I believe that it's true, I feel like I work extremely hard, but when will it start to feel like it's paying off? Maybe I'm not focused enough, maybe it's just not time yet. Whatever it is, I just hope I don't run out of steam before it does.

I realized today that my little girl is no longer my little girl. I've already felt that "push" they make to sort of separate themselves from you. It made me sad. I try to grab hold of her as often and I can, but she always manages to slip away. Today I sat on the edge of the bath tub, picked up her nearly 4 foot frame and sat her on my knees. I held her face in my hands and said "I really love you, you know that?" Her response, "you do?" Then she pushed herself off of me and ran into her room, after that we sorted her laundry and went to the basement. I know that she knows I love and am in love with her, but I never want her to not hear it. I don't think you can say that enough to a child. She's everything I never knew I wanted.
























I've created a new kit for KJOI www.kjoistudios.com that I am extremely proud of and poured my heart into and I hope folks really dig it. No one has purchased it yet, but I'm hoping that with being in the "Designer Spotlight" for our next ezine due out October 5th, free to download at the KJOI website mentioned above, that it really prompts people to buy. I spent a whole lot of time on this one and it's WHO I AM! This is my passion people, please be supportive. If you don't scrapbook, tell your friends that do. If you do paper scrapping, trying something digital, maybe it will inspire you creatively. Also, the advantage to digital scrapbooking is that you possess those materials for the life time of your ability to save the digital images. You can use them millions of times and even print them out to use for hybrid or even 100% paper scrapbooking. Here is the preview I created of my kit, Eclectic Autumn. It fing rocks in my opinion.

Sad in private.

So, this week started out happy, then very sad. Starting from about Tuesday morning, I believed that I could be pregnant. We are trying for a baby and I really am ready to have one now. Stella turned 3 this June and I'd like to have another one before she's much past the age of 4. So I bought 2 tests on Thursday morning after dropping Stella off at grandma's. When I got home I took the test. The result, while extremely faint, was still a positive. I told myself that I would take another Friday morning as a way to lock in my beliefs and then schedule an appointment with a doctor in order to prove it. So Friday morning I take yet another test. And, while still very faint, it was a positive. The reason I felt so strongly that I was pregnant was because with Stella, it was also very faint, and I was sure that I was not pregnant, but TAH DAH, obviously I was. So, I was very excited on my way to work. But, when I arrived, something didn't feel right so I went to the bathroom and to my horror, my period had started, but not in the normal way that it goes. All ladies have their routines of how things start and mine just wasn't normal. So, I don't know what i am to call it, but the day just got shittier from there, I won't go in to that, but it got much worse before it got better. It involves dealing with my insurance switching to an HMO, having to talk with a doctor I don't know with an accent so thick I can't understand him and wanting to bawl my eyes out all day at work because I don't make enough money to do much of anything right now until Matt is finished with school. I must work 50 or more hours a week in order to survive beyond poverty and I am so exhausted and can't help but believe that the reason I lost what I feel strongly was a pregnancy is due to all the stress that I am under. I am better today emotionally, but everything else is the same. I just need to accept the fact that I must WORK, WORK, WORK till my fingers bleed. I need to de-stress though if I'm ever to conceive fully. Another concern is the cyst they found on my ovary this summer that I fear will hinder any attempt I make. Please Lord, let me have what I so desire.

So tired. So, so, very tired.

I haven't blogged for a while because honestly I haven't had the time. I put in 10 to 15 hour days at least 5 days a week and when I'm not doing that, I'm trying to fulfill some other creative outlet or obligation that I have. It's not easy being me. Combine that with the stresses of being the breadwinner, having a 3 year old and trying to create a second little one, fitting in sleep is an increasing problem. I meant to get up at 5:30 this morning, but couldn't muster the required energy to do it, so ended up getting up at 7:30, not too bad, but I could have gotten 12 hours in today instead of my 10. Oh well, when people get old, they don't talk about how they should have worked more now do they.

I am creating a new kit for KJoi right now that I am really proud of and hope that it sells well. Once I get the preview done, I will post it here, maybe someone besides me is looking at this blog, but I believe about 7/8 of the previews to my bio are made by me. In time my dear, in time.

I finally stood up for myself the other day, through email anyway; my balls aren't that big yet to do it face to face. I will spare the details, but will have you know, I haven't felt so good about myself and my feelings in quite a while. How many of you out there have that person or people in your life that just simply have a way of making you feel just down right dumb? Well, it is a running theme for me and I believe it started with my brother. He is the middle child, I am the oldest, and I think we have a great relationship now, but it definitely didn't used to be that way. It was not unheard of for me to be chased around the house at knife point (please don't call the police he never actually used it) but the threat was there if you know what I mean. Anyway, he always had a way of making me feel stupid about anything I did, he really had a knack for it. Even at a very young age. I believe he was only about 9 when he told me that he thought that because I had quit my dance classes, that that was the reason I was getting FAT. Wow, low blow little bro. I know I have pretty much always had low self esteem to some degree and did feel like I wasn't very smart, compared to him. And, really, all the times in school where I felt bad were either when I didn't come off smart or when someday just blatently called me a fat pig (yes, that actually did happen once to me as I walked home in high school). Kids are so cruel, it makes me worry about my beautiful little girl.

So, the standing up for myself I was referring to earlier. I will spare the details, but what I did was basically call someone out who has been in and out of my life that just always ends up making me feel sort of worthless and silly. So, I turned the mirror around on this person and told them that maybe they should ask people who's friendships they DO value if they've ever been hurt by something they've said. This person is very savvy and charismatic, I'm a little jealous of their ability to maneuver in given situations, but not at the expense in which they hurt people in a truly scathing manner.

It does feel good sometimes to be a titch bit bitchy!

WOW! September 1st Already.

Can't believe how fast this summer/this year has gone by, it feels like just yesterday that we bought our first home and here it is nearly one year later. We actually signed the paper on Friday, October 13th (bad omen right, no) but we moved in the weekend before Halloween. We spent sooooooo long, longing and looking for our first house, that I wish the days would slow down, so I felt like I could enjoy it more. I took Stella clothes shopping today at Children's Place, I love that store. If I were me at 3, I would've had a wonderful time. Matt told me all the clothes I picked out are like things I would wear, they were of course, why else would I buy them. I didn't buy Stella anything she didn't like, I'd sooner throw the money in the garbage, because she'd have a huge fit and not wear it. She only turned 3 June 9th, is this possible for her to have an eye for fashion already? I was in denial that she was getting bigger and that just because she was 3 meant she was a 3T, well at her 3 year doc appointment she was already 3.5 feet tall and now I am sure it's closer to 4 feet, suddenly everything is way too short. I don't know where she gets it, I'm only 5'4" and her dad isn't quite 6', maybe she's a freak of nature or destined to be a runway model. So, took her shopping, which she loves by the way, and she kept going around the store saying "We should get this mom," or "Ooohhh, backpacks, I'm gonna need this for my school soon." I said, sure baby, in about 2 years we'll get it for you. She was even cracking up another woman who was shopping in the store. She always makes me laugh, even when she's being a baddy, I just have to laugh. I tell people, if I'm laughing, it's keeping me from crying. Right?!

My back was killing me earlier while we were shopping and now it's sort of OK, I think it's due to me sitting on my couch and using my computer. Not very ergonomic huh? I'm going to be in the designer spotlite in our next newsletter coming out September 20th, check us out over at www.kjoistudios.com It's a very cool spot and every single person over there is hella talented. I will offer a huge kit I am making especially for that issue at a price reduction of 15%. It's going to have some really cute little elements in it.

Well, I think for today, that's enough, I need to clean my studio and get my computer back to a place where I won't hurt my back anymore. Toodles.

Creative Freedom. C-Blocked By Life.

Sorry, I know that's sort of crude. But, it really describes how I feel lately. I feel SOOOOOOOO creative in my head, but after working anywhere from 6-12 hours in a given day 7 days a week, I no longer feel like being on my computer. I'm sure many of you have the same problem as well. And, the problem seems to be that I know what I like, but I feel like anything I start to create has already been created and while that is true, everything in the world has already been created, it's just the artists job to put their own little twist on everything and this is what I struggle with. Does anybody out there get me? Can I get an amen?

My deepest hearts desire longs for me to be a famous name in the scrapbooking industry. To live a comfortable life, never a want for anything reasonable and to give my daughter and subsequent children what they need, or small things their little hearts yearn for. I'd love someday to own a flat or small home in a chic town that I can go to once a month to be creative and have a little freedom from the everyday, for that I would like to pay cash and have something free and clear, well, we all know 2 things are for sure, death and taxes.

I would love to overhear someone say some day, when does that new Brooke Rochon line come out, I just love her stuff. I admit, it would inflate my ego just a titch, but who wouldn't it do that to?

I feel like I'm paying my dues now, but having just turned 30 one week ago today, I am bound and determined to make my 30's, the start of a successful life. I have always believed, if you can dream it, you can be it. I have my mother to thank for that. She is the guiding force in my life and the reason that I am the resilient and determined person I am today and who I hope my daughter aspires to be like someday too. In the same vane, I own my daughter for popping me out of a shell that I had stuck myself in starting about in middle school, it's amazing what children can do for your self esteem, I owe her for making me even stronger each day than the day before.

I guess I'm not really C-Blocked By Life, it's just my path. Cause really, if there's no struggle, is it really worth doing?

She's the reason I do what I do everyday!