Catching A Break?

So, the job stuff still sucks. Still working my ass off and still only recognized for my failures. Why don't employers see that not only do they need to tell us when we screw up, but also when we've accomplished something that surprised them in a good way, or we've surpassed there expectations, or if we simply continue to be there every single day, day in and day out without a raise in over a year???? EMPLOYERS OF THE WORLD: WAKE UP!!! Without us little peons where would you be? We, the work horses of America keep this little train called MONEY chugging along and you pay us our measly stipend and we just TAKE IT... We take your abuses, your lack of understanding and your mental anguish you impose upon us. Why? Because we sadly need you as much as you need us. UGH.

On a brighter note, I have a second interview for a job in Ann Arbor, too bad it's not a full time job, but it could eventually turn into one. I don't know if I want the job, but at least I could leave where I am, maybe.

I have this vision of telling off my boss. Not by calling him a jerk or what have you, but laying it all out there. I am only one person, I can't be expected to be perfect all the time, but it's not as if I miss things on purpose. I am not the only checkpoint in this assembly line, why can't person A be held to the same standards as myself, person B and you person C there is a reason it comes into your hands as well so you can then make sure things looks good. Besides, if your "team" is so well crafted, why don't you train them to do what it is that I do? Or maybe you can check your templates to make sure they are accurate for the things you are telling me I am doing wrong so that you'd see that you are really the person that finger needs to be waived at. Guess what??? It is you that are killing me!

Still Not Good Enough...

So, I'm so f*ing tired of hearing shit from my boss. UGH!!!!!!! I thought I was doing well, but apparently I'm a huge disappointment and the only reason I still have a job is because he is being "courteous" his word, not mine. BULLSHIT, don't keep me to be courteous, man up and fire me and let me claim unemployment! I really am good at what I do, why can't anyone see that? I am desperate to find a new job, any job at this point, not even in design, as long as it pays pretty well, that's the only problem. I am way past the point of a $10/hr job doin' it for me financially. I am the breadwinner and have to find a job accordingly. Come on Michigan, get your shit together and let's get some jobs going, we are dying over here.

Normal Day.

So, today was pretty uneventful. Worked, did the check book, made dinner, painted with Stella and think I had more fun than she did. I have decided however that I am going to start scrapbooking again to try and get published. I never have been, but it is a goal of my to get published as much as possible. I'd like to think that some of what I do has a fresh approach to it, probably doesn't, but a girl can try can't she? I know that you can't post any layouts if you've submitted it to a magazine and such, but here is a layout that I submitted just now for a local scrapbook store. If mine is chosen, I get an American Crafts prize pack. I love AC and would love to win any of their products. Not to mention, win anything. Hope everyone had a lovely St. Patty's Day!

Had An Interview Today.

So, on a whim I saw something on Craig's List that I knew I was pretty much qualified for and thought what the heck, I'll email them. To my surprise, the position had not been filled yet, so I sent all my info and voila, I was asked for an interview. I wasn't really nervous at all, but driving to Ann Arbor at the end of the day of a very ECK week, I was practically drowsy by the time I go there. I tried to maintain good eye contact without looking like I had x-ray vision and tried to keep the conversation flowing. Basically the company is one of those home party sell ya stuff kind of places, but they need there catalogs redesigned in the proper program and generally refined. And, to boot, the woman wasn't at all concerned that I'd never created catalogs before. I simply told her that design is something that you either know or you don't, but creating something in a program is semantics. I think she agreed, now all I have to do is come up with a quote for completely recreating a 32 page catalog and making changes to a 60 page catalog. This should seem daunting, but at 1:22am it doesn't really seem that way. My problem is I don't want to overshoot my bid, but I don't want to get screwed in the process either. The woman kept hinting at me, well really telling me that they spend quite a bit to get these catalogs made, so basically if I do my research, I good get quite a pretty penny for this work. And, not to mention, eventually this could be an actual full time job. For some reason, I really think the woman really wanted me to have the job, that felt good. So, I created what we in the business call a "Leave Behind" special just for this company. Since they sell purses, jewelry and the like, I fashioned a resume/mini portfolio that looked like a purse, and she really seemed to like that too. Thanks to my scrapbooking skills, I pulled it off quite nicely, here have a look.

Yeah, today pretty much sucked.

To start off, I was driving back home after taking Stella to grandma's for the day so I could "work" and low and behold, I got pulled over for speeding. Yes, yes I was speeding, but geez can't a girl catch a break, it totally made me want to cry. Not to try to get out of it, but just this whole year so far, shit on a shingle. Yup, got a nice fat chunky ticket for $85 and 2 points, goodbye clean driving record. Then get home, drink my coffee and eat my bagel from Tim Hortons and wait.....and wait.......waiting.....waiting and waiting. OK, any work today???? So, email the boss, sure sure got some on the way. RIGHT! 2:50pm, sends me a job. Well, 40 minutes later I leave to pick up Stella, oh but first the phone rings. It's my dear friend Julie who calls me to tell me that her father died today. God, why does this stuff happen to people who don't deserve it? I know that death is not something earned or deserved, but you and I both know that Julie and Scott have other things that they deal with everyday and now you add her dad, who up until this very day was FINE. I just don't understand life. One day your fine, the next you spouse finds you on the kitchen floor. What's wrong with this picture?

My brother Joe calls, he eats dinner with us, things seem to be getting better. Joe leaves we say our goodbyes, and Stella is tired and basically asks to go to bed. Wow, this NEVER happens. Matt trots her off to her room for stories, songs and lights out. She sleeps for about 30 minutes and then the marathon starts. I go back to Friday where she ate part of a "monster cookie" a concoction of overly colored frosting and 2 cookies. Yummy, but extremely messy and dieable. The next morning *warning: graphic content* her doo doo is half green-blue, half "natural" color. So, I laugh and say something about her poo being green. So, fast forward to today, she is obsessed about not wanting her butt to be green. At grandma's apparently she has wanted cream on her bottom constantly. And, so continues Matt's and my night of frustration and irritability. We both together do not deal with stress well, but usually try to balance eachother out when it comes to her, but not tonight. We were both annoyed after about 3.5 hours of the constant I want cream on my butt, I want water, I want cartoons, blah blah blah blah blah. It just got to this point where we're all just yelling. I'm sure all the neighbors could hear, I'm actually sort of embarrassed. Actually I feel like and vocalized that I think I'm the worst mother that ever existed, Matt of course disagrees with me, but what would you say to the face of the worst mother in the world if you were standing in front of her?

I love Stella so much, and would stand in front of a bullet for her if I had my choice, but she is so bull headed, where could she have gotten that from, and stubborn. If she wants something, she'll fight with us for hours, 6.5 to be exact, just to get her way. I think what finally did it was giving her a bath and then I put hydrocortisone cream on and she did ask one more time and finally I think exhaustion just wore her down. God only knows what time she'll get up in the morning, could be 6am for all I know.

Poor Matt went to bed about the same time as she did and he gets up at 5:30am, as for me, I am still awake at almost 3am but going to bed soon and will set the alarm for 8am, 5 hours should be sufficient. Here's to you Monday, let's hope Tuesday turns out better.

My Latest Project.

Here, as promised are pictures of my latest piece of art I'm working on. It will eventually somehow house pictures and bits of ephemera. So, here's to being creatively inspired throughout your day. Peace.

Putting Out Good Vibes.

So, I sit here tonight, trying to find books to read that will make me feel positive. It's hard, with how few jobs are out there, but I'm trying to remain motivated. I'm gonna look through Deepak Chopra's "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success," and Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life" in hopes that maybe as I sleep something will come to me. What stinks is that I know I could do what anyone would ask of me, it's selling that idea to a potential employer. I have been a designer or almost 1/3 of my life, I CAN DO THIS, please let me prove it to you. I need a purpose, I like being driven, I had goals, and things I'd like to achieve. Without a decent job, I am going nowhere and fast. I hate what my life feels like right now, sad, repititious, hopeless, redundant, lack luster, fleeting, scary, and most of all depressing. I don't want to feel any of these things anymore, I want to feel energized again, not sick of life at only 30. UGH!