So tired. So, so, very tired.

I haven't blogged for a while because honestly I haven't had the time. I put in 10 to 15 hour days at least 5 days a week and when I'm not doing that, I'm trying to fulfill some other creative outlet or obligation that I have. It's not easy being me. Combine that with the stresses of being the breadwinner, having a 3 year old and trying to create a second little one, fitting in sleep is an increasing problem. I meant to get up at 5:30 this morning, but couldn't muster the required energy to do it, so ended up getting up at 7:30, not too bad, but I could have gotten 12 hours in today instead of my 10. Oh well, when people get old, they don't talk about how they should have worked more now do they.

I am creating a new kit for KJoi right now that I am really proud of and hope that it sells well. Once I get the preview done, I will post it here, maybe someone besides me is looking at this blog, but I believe about 7/8 of the previews to my bio are made by me. In time my dear, in time.

I finally stood up for myself the other day, through email anyway; my balls aren't that big yet to do it face to face. I will spare the details, but will have you know, I haven't felt so good about myself and my feelings in quite a while. How many of you out there have that person or people in your life that just simply have a way of making you feel just down right dumb? Well, it is a running theme for me and I believe it started with my brother. He is the middle child, I am the oldest, and I think we have a great relationship now, but it definitely didn't used to be that way. It was not unheard of for me to be chased around the house at knife point (please don't call the police he never actually used it) but the threat was there if you know what I mean. Anyway, he always had a way of making me feel stupid about anything I did, he really had a knack for it. Even at a very young age. I believe he was only about 9 when he told me that he thought that because I had quit my dance classes, that that was the reason I was getting FAT. Wow, low blow little bro. I know I have pretty much always had low self esteem to some degree and did feel like I wasn't very smart, compared to him. And, really, all the times in school where I felt bad were either when I didn't come off smart or when someday just blatently called me a fat pig (yes, that actually did happen once to me as I walked home in high school). Kids are so cruel, it makes me worry about my beautiful little girl.

So, the standing up for myself I was referring to earlier. I will spare the details, but what I did was basically call someone out who has been in and out of my life that just always ends up making me feel sort of worthless and silly. So, I turned the mirror around on this person and told them that maybe they should ask people who's friendships they DO value if they've ever been hurt by something they've said. This person is very savvy and charismatic, I'm a little jealous of their ability to maneuver in given situations, but not at the expense in which they hurt people in a truly scathing manner.

It does feel good sometimes to be a titch bit bitchy!