YEAH FOR ME!

Alright, why am I excited? Well, I may not have won the contest, but I was still asked to join ScrapStreet. I'm glad to join for alot of reasons, but as I read through there website, I am staying for one. ORGANIZATION!!!!!!! They have rules for Quality with a capital "Q." Wow, other places I've seen, this doesn't seem to matter as much, so I feel like this is a good fit for me right now.

The holidays are really close now, and it's not that I feel overwhelmed by any means, I just feel like I'm not able to enjoy them like I want to. Lately I don't have TIME to be with my family. Maybe it's just up to me to get that back. We need a Family Day. I want to scrapbook, with paper, with my daughter.

She is so grown up now, only 3.5, but god, she's not my baby any more. I finally bought her big girl bed lastnight and we're dismantling the crib tonight and putting together her bed so she can sleep comfortably. It makes me tear up a little, not just because she will now be able to get up at 3am if she feels the urge, although we're putting up the gate in front of her door again simply as a precaution. But, it signals the very end of anything baby. No more high chair, diapers and pull ups have been gone for 6 months, sippy cups are on there way out. Sitting on my lap has been done for about 2 years, and now the finality is a bummer. But, now we'll be able to go into her room and really see a Big Girl! My big girl. No more Goobie, now "I'm Stella!"

What I've Been Up To.

So I entered a contest over at ScrapStreet.com and while I really enjoyed myself, it was probably the most strenuous thing I've done in a long time. I wish I'd had the chance to be involved in this contest and not have to work a regular job. It was just very hard to find good solid blocks of time to do what I wanted. I feel like I would have been able to do better work if I'd been able to give myself more time. So, here are the other pieces I designed for this contest. I won't know how I faired until tomorrow, but all I need is for someone to like what I do, that's enough for me. Because, if you have enough people that like your work, well then you have a following, now don't you.






















My designs are the papers sort of in the background. I really like the trend of the office style papers, so I just put my own spin on them, by using none tradish colors and adding some cool elements simply made from many dots of different sizes. This round of the contest was done to collaborate with another designer to create a combo kit. I think it was pretty successful when combined with the cool Rusty Memory elements created by S&C Designs.






















This round I needed to create a kit using a specific number of elements, solid papers and patterned papers. The inspiration from this came from my little brother whom is a musician and the color palette was one I've just always liked. Typically both the color palette and theme come about simultaneously. Not always, but about 95% of the time. I was really happy with this and don't care what comes of the contest, I am proud of what I've accomplished.























The last challenge was to create an alphabet and number 1-10 for kit. I just wanted my alpha & #'s to match my wood grain and look "Well Worn" with holes in them. I think I achieved the look I was going for and again I am proud. We also had to create 2 layouts, one using another persons kit and one using our new kit.
























I used CactusMANGO Designs Urban Tropics kit for this twist on the tradish Christmas layout. I really like it, and feel like it doesn't need to be red & green to show me it's Christmas time.























And finally, here is the layout using my kit, obviously featuring my inspiration, my brother Joe. He is a really amazing person and hope that he finds true happiness someday. On this layout I used a very cool Photoshop action to achieve the photo collage look. It can be found at www.panosfx.com

So, you can wish me luck if you like, but really, I'm just happy when I am able to create, and simply telling me if you like my work, puts just as big a smile on my face as if I were to win the Mega Millions lottery.
Thanks.

I've Been Tagged!

Alright, so I've never done this before, but here goes. Thanks Jo, I'll do anything for ya.
luckygirljo.blogspot.com

5 things I was doing 10 years ago (November 1997):
1. Getting ready to take a semester off of college, thank God I went back.
2. Working my hated job at JCPenney in the juniors department.
3. Lusting after my friend whom I didn't know was gay.
4. Sneaking my beeper on my beltline at work.
5. Driving around in my first new car. 1997 Saturn SL. Tres chic.

5 things on my to do list today:
1. Laundry, laundry, and more laundry.
2. Waiting to win a computer on Ebay for my dear sweet hubby.
3. Finish my Round 3 entry for the Scrap Street contest.
4. Take Stella to Kroger, I need more Diet Cherry Pepsi and a Kid Cuisine for her.
5. Make sure I know where Stella's tights and leotard are ready for dance class tomorrow.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Tim Hortons Coffee
2. Bagels
3. Almond Roca's
4. Apple Pie
5. Popcorn

5 songs I know the lyrics to:
1. Anything I like, I have the ability to know the words to a song within about the first 3 listening, it totally bewilders my husband.
2. Mozella Music
3. Ben Folds Music
4. Spoon song, can't remember the name
5. The Backyardagins CD

5 of my bad habits:
1. Chewing Ice
2. Stay up too late
3. Do too much
4. Easily Distracted
5. Addicted to Diet Cherry Pepsi

5 things I'd do if I were a millionaire:
1. Buy everything I've always wanted.
2. Pay off bills and family bills
3. Buy a house anywhere my husband wanted to live so he was happy
4. Move to Europe
5. provide my entire family with all their insurance needs.

5 things I will never wear again:
1. Skinny jeans.
2. leggings.
3. stonewashed anything
4. short shorts.
5. belly shirts, no one wants to see that.

5 of my favorite toys:
1. Camera.
2. iMac
3. Cropodile
4. ?
5. ?

My Return to the Living.

So, I'm back and slightly less hefty. No, haven't lost any weight, but let go of some obligations that I felt were weighing me down. Now maybe I can focus on what I really want. I want to be a successful designer of scrapbooking materials and now I can focus better. I don't feel as much outside pressure. I have entered a contest for a spot in their shop as a designer and here is my Round 1 entry in which we had to create 8 elements and nothing else. I really wanted to focus on type because it's something I feel passionately about, yet struggle with myself in creating for my paper layouts. Here is my entry titled "One Simple Word" I went on the internet in search of things that come in sets of 8 and stumbled upon the idea that there are 8 basic emotions: Joy, Acceptance, Fear, Surprise, Sadness, Disgust, Anger & Anticipation. I then went to http://thesaurus.reference.com/ to find other words for those words that meant the same things but seemed to have more impact such as "Jubilance" for Joy and "Cooperation" for Acceptance and then formed my art around that. It's a familiar process for me, one I used back in my college days and it always seemed to be a good starting point. Take a look. You can pick it up for free at http://scrapstreet.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=13537&cat=727
while supplies last. Just Kidding.

New Horizons.

Well, won't get into it, but "Gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face." The future has possibilities and I am HAPPY. That's a word I wouldn't have used to describe me lately, but things are lookin' up! You know who you are. (wink, wink) I even digital scrapped a page today with my kit Eclectic Autumn. Let me know what you think.

Better All The Time.

Things haven't changed much in my life, busy as ever, with no signs of changing. I'm still working alot and trying to make time for me and my design stuff, but also making some great friends along the way. Mars and Jo are amazing people who I really feel like I've formed a bond with strangely enough over email. We are all apart of KJOI Studios at www.kjoistudios.com and are all the same age and I think that has sort of bonded us, along with other stuff too.

Mars is an awesome designer and has some of her designs over at KJOI too, http://kjoistudios.com/shop/index.php?main_page=index&manufacturers_id=9 she's definitely worth checking out. She is running a sale of 50% off and so, what better time to buy than NOW! She has a really nice blog you should check out too, never at a loss for a thoughtful affirmation, cactusmango.blogspot.com

Jo is a very busy mom of a 9 month old and a nurse, who somehow finds time to create beautiful LO's with our kits from over at KJOI. Her blog is fun to read and always full of gorgeous things she's created, luckygirljo.blogspot.com/ check her out.

Thank God for creating situations that put you right within the line of sight of very cool people. I don't get out much anymore and really only see people I've known all my life, so the internet is my new frontier for friendships and I'm so happy to have met these awesome ladies.

Here is a pic of my latest kit "Freaky Creepies" named for what Stella refers to those cool halloween ads with costumes that we all receive in the mail at this time of year. Once I get it into the shop, I think I'll only be selling it for like $3.00 as I would like to sell as much as I can, and maybe the weekend before Halloween I'll run a 50% off sale.

Whistle While You Work.

So, they say you can get anywhere with persistence and hard work. I believe that it's true, I feel like I work extremely hard, but when will it start to feel like it's paying off? Maybe I'm not focused enough, maybe it's just not time yet. Whatever it is, I just hope I don't run out of steam before it does.

I realized today that my little girl is no longer my little girl. I've already felt that "push" they make to sort of separate themselves from you. It made me sad. I try to grab hold of her as often and I can, but she always manages to slip away. Today I sat on the edge of the bath tub, picked up her nearly 4 foot frame and sat her on my knees. I held her face in my hands and said "I really love you, you know that?" Her response, "you do?" Then she pushed herself off of me and ran into her room, after that we sorted her laundry and went to the basement. I know that she knows I love and am in love with her, but I never want her to not hear it. I don't think you can say that enough to a child. She's everything I never knew I wanted.
























I've created a new kit for KJOI www.kjoistudios.com that I am extremely proud of and poured my heart into and I hope folks really dig it. No one has purchased it yet, but I'm hoping that with being in the "Designer Spotlight" for our next ezine due out October 5th, free to download at the KJOI website mentioned above, that it really prompts people to buy. I spent a whole lot of time on this one and it's WHO I AM! This is my passion people, please be supportive. If you don't scrapbook, tell your friends that do. If you do paper scrapping, trying something digital, maybe it will inspire you creatively. Also, the advantage to digital scrapbooking is that you possess those materials for the life time of your ability to save the digital images. You can use them millions of times and even print them out to use for hybrid or even 100% paper scrapbooking. Here is the preview I created of my kit, Eclectic Autumn. It fing rocks in my opinion.

Sad in private.

So, this week started out happy, then very sad. Starting from about Tuesday morning, I believed that I could be pregnant. We are trying for a baby and I really am ready to have one now. Stella turned 3 this June and I'd like to have another one before she's much past the age of 4. So I bought 2 tests on Thursday morning after dropping Stella off at grandma's. When I got home I took the test. The result, while extremely faint, was still a positive. I told myself that I would take another Friday morning as a way to lock in my beliefs and then schedule an appointment with a doctor in order to prove it. So Friday morning I take yet another test. And, while still very faint, it was a positive. The reason I felt so strongly that I was pregnant was because with Stella, it was also very faint, and I was sure that I was not pregnant, but TAH DAH, obviously I was. So, I was very excited on my way to work. But, when I arrived, something didn't feel right so I went to the bathroom and to my horror, my period had started, but not in the normal way that it goes. All ladies have their routines of how things start and mine just wasn't normal. So, I don't know what i am to call it, but the day just got shittier from there, I won't go in to that, but it got much worse before it got better. It involves dealing with my insurance switching to an HMO, having to talk with a doctor I don't know with an accent so thick I can't understand him and wanting to bawl my eyes out all day at work because I don't make enough money to do much of anything right now until Matt is finished with school. I must work 50 or more hours a week in order to survive beyond poverty and I am so exhausted and can't help but believe that the reason I lost what I feel strongly was a pregnancy is due to all the stress that I am under. I am better today emotionally, but everything else is the same. I just need to accept the fact that I must WORK, WORK, WORK till my fingers bleed. I need to de-stress though if I'm ever to conceive fully. Another concern is the cyst they found on my ovary this summer that I fear will hinder any attempt I make. Please Lord, let me have what I so desire.

So tired. So, so, very tired.

I haven't blogged for a while because honestly I haven't had the time. I put in 10 to 15 hour days at least 5 days a week and when I'm not doing that, I'm trying to fulfill some other creative outlet or obligation that I have. It's not easy being me. Combine that with the stresses of being the breadwinner, having a 3 year old and trying to create a second little one, fitting in sleep is an increasing problem. I meant to get up at 5:30 this morning, but couldn't muster the required energy to do it, so ended up getting up at 7:30, not too bad, but I could have gotten 12 hours in today instead of my 10. Oh well, when people get old, they don't talk about how they should have worked more now do they.

I am creating a new kit for KJoi right now that I am really proud of and hope that it sells well. Once I get the preview done, I will post it here, maybe someone besides me is looking at this blog, but I believe about 7/8 of the previews to my bio are made by me. In time my dear, in time.

I finally stood up for myself the other day, through email anyway; my balls aren't that big yet to do it face to face. I will spare the details, but will have you know, I haven't felt so good about myself and my feelings in quite a while. How many of you out there have that person or people in your life that just simply have a way of making you feel just down right dumb? Well, it is a running theme for me and I believe it started with my brother. He is the middle child, I am the oldest, and I think we have a great relationship now, but it definitely didn't used to be that way. It was not unheard of for me to be chased around the house at knife point (please don't call the police he never actually used it) but the threat was there if you know what I mean. Anyway, he always had a way of making me feel stupid about anything I did, he really had a knack for it. Even at a very young age. I believe he was only about 9 when he told me that he thought that because I had quit my dance classes, that that was the reason I was getting FAT. Wow, low blow little bro. I know I have pretty much always had low self esteem to some degree and did feel like I wasn't very smart, compared to him. And, really, all the times in school where I felt bad were either when I didn't come off smart or when someday just blatently called me a fat pig (yes, that actually did happen once to me as I walked home in high school). Kids are so cruel, it makes me worry about my beautiful little girl.

So, the standing up for myself I was referring to earlier. I will spare the details, but what I did was basically call someone out who has been in and out of my life that just always ends up making me feel sort of worthless and silly. So, I turned the mirror around on this person and told them that maybe they should ask people who's friendships they DO value if they've ever been hurt by something they've said. This person is very savvy and charismatic, I'm a little jealous of their ability to maneuver in given situations, but not at the expense in which they hurt people in a truly scathing manner.

It does feel good sometimes to be a titch bit bitchy!

WOW! September 1st Already.

Can't believe how fast this summer/this year has gone by, it feels like just yesterday that we bought our first home and here it is nearly one year later. We actually signed the paper on Friday, October 13th (bad omen right, no) but we moved in the weekend before Halloween. We spent sooooooo long, longing and looking for our first house, that I wish the days would slow down, so I felt like I could enjoy it more. I took Stella clothes shopping today at Children's Place, I love that store. If I were me at 3, I would've had a wonderful time. Matt told me all the clothes I picked out are like things I would wear, they were of course, why else would I buy them. I didn't buy Stella anything she didn't like, I'd sooner throw the money in the garbage, because she'd have a huge fit and not wear it. She only turned 3 June 9th, is this possible for her to have an eye for fashion already? I was in denial that she was getting bigger and that just because she was 3 meant she was a 3T, well at her 3 year doc appointment she was already 3.5 feet tall and now I am sure it's closer to 4 feet, suddenly everything is way too short. I don't know where she gets it, I'm only 5'4" and her dad isn't quite 6', maybe she's a freak of nature or destined to be a runway model. So, took her shopping, which she loves by the way, and she kept going around the store saying "We should get this mom," or "Ooohhh, backpacks, I'm gonna need this for my school soon." I said, sure baby, in about 2 years we'll get it for you. She was even cracking up another woman who was shopping in the store. She always makes me laugh, even when she's being a baddy, I just have to laugh. I tell people, if I'm laughing, it's keeping me from crying. Right?!

My back was killing me earlier while we were shopping and now it's sort of OK, I think it's due to me sitting on my couch and using my computer. Not very ergonomic huh? I'm going to be in the designer spotlite in our next newsletter coming out September 20th, check us out over at www.kjoistudios.com It's a very cool spot and every single person over there is hella talented. I will offer a huge kit I am making especially for that issue at a price reduction of 15%. It's going to have some really cute little elements in it.

Well, I think for today, that's enough, I need to clean my studio and get my computer back to a place where I won't hurt my back anymore. Toodles.

Creative Freedom. C-Blocked By Life.

Sorry, I know that's sort of crude. But, it really describes how I feel lately. I feel SOOOOOOOO creative in my head, but after working anywhere from 6-12 hours in a given day 7 days a week, I no longer feel like being on my computer. I'm sure many of you have the same problem as well. And, the problem seems to be that I know what I like, but I feel like anything I start to create has already been created and while that is true, everything in the world has already been created, it's just the artists job to put their own little twist on everything and this is what I struggle with. Does anybody out there get me? Can I get an amen?

My deepest hearts desire longs for me to be a famous name in the scrapbooking industry. To live a comfortable life, never a want for anything reasonable and to give my daughter and subsequent children what they need, or small things their little hearts yearn for. I'd love someday to own a flat or small home in a chic town that I can go to once a month to be creative and have a little freedom from the everyday, for that I would like to pay cash and have something free and clear, well, we all know 2 things are for sure, death and taxes.

I would love to overhear someone say some day, when does that new Brooke Rochon line come out, I just love her stuff. I admit, it would inflate my ego just a titch, but who wouldn't it do that to?

I feel like I'm paying my dues now, but having just turned 30 one week ago today, I am bound and determined to make my 30's, the start of a successful life. I have always believed, if you can dream it, you can be it. I have my mother to thank for that. She is the guiding force in my life and the reason that I am the resilient and determined person I am today and who I hope my daughter aspires to be like someday too. In the same vane, I own my daughter for popping me out of a shell that I had stuck myself in starting about in middle school, it's amazing what children can do for your self esteem, I owe her for making me even stronger each day than the day before.

I guess I'm not really C-Blocked By Life, it's just my path. Cause really, if there's no struggle, is it really worth doing?

She's the reason I do what I do everyday!

It Can Be Done.

So, I DID IT! I got up at 5:30am this morning and was able to achieve my goal of getting in 11 hours and being finished by 6pm this evening with my work for the day. I had the night reserved for me. I didn't get alot accomplished, but I didn't worry about work. I am really stressing about getting more stuff done for KJOI. I so am devoted to what Kara is doing, I just don't all the time in the world to do it. I mean between having to work all the time, having Stella, having a husband who's going back to school, and trying to do a couple other scrapbooking industry related things, I am plumb tuckered out. Hopefully my new plan of getting up at 5:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays will do that for me. HOPEFULLY. Also, my husband going back to school will in a pretty short period of time help alleviate alot of my stress by him being able to get a much higher paying job, and he's going into the design field to boot, so that should be interesting. I'm just so whacked out in the head most of the time that as I'm typing this right now I sort of feel like I'm floating on a cloud. Does that make sense? I think that stems from not getting enough sleep the last two years and being anemic and being on my period now. It's just a triple whammy.

I have a ton of ideas written down in my special book that I like to keep all my ideas in I just need to make that special time for those special ideas. They deserve it the little guys. I need to nurture something of my own, as I don't have a baby anymore, well yet anyway. More on that later. So, for the moment, I need to make my art my baby. If I ever want to get anywhere in this world, I must feed that inside of me which inspires and excites. Power to the people!

Time Management, It's Worth A Shot...

So, I've decided that what my life needs is TIME MANAGEMENT! I will attempt to go to bed by around 11:30pm and awaken my slumbering sluggish body by 5:30am. The reason I am doing this is so that I can be done with that silly job stuff earlier in the day and have time for myself and other more artsy pursuits in the evening, and hopefully not have to work weekends either. You see, I have the complete luxury of being able to work from home 5 out of 7 days of the week, but, 2 days a week I'm supposed to work at my bosses house. In the process of living the tumultuous life that I do (JK), I end up working nearly every single day all day long because I can't get my poop in a group. With the amount of work I "feel" like I'm doing, I would think I could get like 70 hours in a week, but somehow I manage to just barely achieve over 43 each week, sometimes less. Anyhow, my solution is to get up earlier and get done sooner! New mantra: GET UP EARLIER, GET DONE SOONER! Come on girls, join me now. Alrighty, don't let me forget to set my alarm.

Even the animals knew it was too damn hot.

I decided Friday night at work to take Stella to the Zoo on Saturday. I knew it wasn't going to be as hot as it had been in the past two weeks. Well, was I wrong, it was so hot, I felt like I was melting, even the animals knew it was too damn hot to be at the zoo. They were all hiding in the shade laughing at all us idiots who weren't wearing sunscreen. I didn't realize until hours later that I had a great little sunburn going in the shape of what I wore yesterday, it looks very pretty. You see, I don't tan, so any color besides whiteish blue is "tan-like" for me. As far as the heat goes, since having my surgery, I am cold all the time. When I am working at home I usually have the air conditioner off, a sweater on and sometimes I'm evening sitting with a blanket on my lap. So, that heat yesterday was so intense, I literally felt like I was leaking. Oh well, this is what we go through to take a 3 year old to the zoo for the first time. She seemed to like it, what animals she could actually see from her vantage point, it's easy to forget they are at least 2.5 feet shorter than you. She did well, and never complained.

Lastnight I completed another kit. I like this one, but I'm not passionate about it. I have so many ideas and not enough time that by the time I get hyped about it, I've thought of so much more but haven't had time to devote to it that I'm sort of over the first one already. But, if I kept that up, I'd never put out anything now would I. So, here it is, I do like it, so I hope you do too.

Felt like a real mom.

Today was the first day in quite a while where I actually felt like a mother to my amazing daughter. Most of the time I am obsessed with working, making her behave the way I think she should and keeping her out of trouble. But, today I knew it had to be different. grandma and I took her to a nearby water park called McClumpha Park. It is a park area with the normal playground equipment, but there's also an area that is for children with almost a foam like surface that has large scale equipment that squirts out water everywhere. Well, we took her lastyear and we couldn't get her to play and this year, we couldn't get her to leave. It was a blast, but extremely hot and muggy. Then we went to lunch at Einstein Brothers and came home and she swam in her little pool. She kept saying to the both of us that she had a fun day. When daddy came home we ate dinner and then she went in her pool again, but this time daddy got in the pool too. She loved it, they were splashing and playing for easily over an hour. So good to see them play and laugh together. After the pool, she got a bath, I know, more water, then we took a little walk. The goal was to wear her out so she would sleep really well. I love this kid so much, I can't believe she's 3 already. She keeps telling me that she wants a girl, meaning a sister. She already has an imaginary friend she calls Brother, who happens to be a girl. This morning while we were brushing our teeth, she kept looking around and said Brother is playing ball in the house with her friends. I said who are they and she said brother has 2 brothers. She has informed me that when she gets a girl, brother will disappear. Sometimes she just makes me laugh and scares me just a little.

I want to wear Little Pants.

Today felt like such a long day. On the days I am semi-required to work at my bosses home, I feel like it's sort of wasted time. In the time it takes me to commute, I could get in an extra hours worth of work and save a few dollars in gas money, but Monday's and Friday's are "My" days. My husband is unusually chipper this afternoon, he has been on a diet of sorts since finding out he has high cholesterol I think the number was 234. So, in the last 10 days he's lost about 15 pounds or so, his goal weight is 160 and he's only about 12 pounds from there. I hate him! I had weight loss surgery just over two years ago, and I am still about 30 to 40 pounds from my personal goal, but with 95 gone, I'll keep my mouth shut. I actually asked him if he's cheating on me, jokingly only, I know he is not. He's just been looking to get healthy, I think he has a non-sexual crush on Lance Armstrong, something about participating in the Tour de France, I don't know. He's even decided to get a bunch of gum and try to give up smoking. I've got to give it to him, he has more will power than I do when it comes to certain stuff, but I am aiming to be extremely supportive and am so proud of his progress. It's even got to be making our daughter healthier, with just our little changes. We've stopped giving her chocolate milk, it was just getting to where she only ever asked for that and I always had to tell her, "No, it's white milk or water with dinner." Now, she only asks grandma for chocolate milk, she doesn't buy it any more either. Anyhow, I just let Stella put on her FAVE little pants, (3 year old speak for shorts) they are lime green with white polka dots. And, we are BBQing burgers for dinner, grills are awesome aren't they. So Easy! After I work a couple of hours tonight I am hoping to get to finishing my latest kit, "In My Backyard." I am really excited about my latest ideas about how to achieve "new" images. It's all about my own personal photography and photoshop, got to love that. Over and Out.

Coolest Day Evah!

So, I saw this post at Pub Calls looking for Designers for a digital scrapbooking site. I thought to myself, " Gee self, this is something you've been looking to do for some time." So, at I think the very last possible minute, I sent Kara anything and everything I could that could possibly get me chosen to join her team. Well, after not receiving an email, I decided to be ballsy and send her one to ask if I didn't receive one, should I just take it to mean that I was not chosen to be on the team? Well, shortly there after, Kara emails me back to say that my email had ended up in her spam and that she would let me know within a few hours. Needless to say, about an hour later I got this gigantic email, that didn't say yes, but said so much more. I am truly honored to be considered among these other amazing ladies. Thanks again Kara!