Creative Freedom. C-Blocked By Life.

Sorry, I know that's sort of crude. But, it really describes how I feel lately. I feel SOOOOOOOO creative in my head, but after working anywhere from 6-12 hours in a given day 7 days a week, I no longer feel like being on my computer. I'm sure many of you have the same problem as well. And, the problem seems to be that I know what I like, but I feel like anything I start to create has already been created and while that is true, everything in the world has already been created, it's just the artists job to put their own little twist on everything and this is what I struggle with. Does anybody out there get me? Can I get an amen?

My deepest hearts desire longs for me to be a famous name in the scrapbooking industry. To live a comfortable life, never a want for anything reasonable and to give my daughter and subsequent children what they need, or small things their little hearts yearn for. I'd love someday to own a flat or small home in a chic town that I can go to once a month to be creative and have a little freedom from the everyday, for that I would like to pay cash and have something free and clear, well, we all know 2 things are for sure, death and taxes.

I would love to overhear someone say some day, when does that new Brooke Rochon line come out, I just love her stuff. I admit, it would inflate my ego just a titch, but who wouldn't it do that to?

I feel like I'm paying my dues now, but having just turned 30 one week ago today, I am bound and determined to make my 30's, the start of a successful life. I have always believed, if you can dream it, you can be it. I have my mother to thank for that. She is the guiding force in my life and the reason that I am the resilient and determined person I am today and who I hope my daughter aspires to be like someday too. In the same vane, I own my daughter for popping me out of a shell that I had stuck myself in starting about in middle school, it's amazing what children can do for your self esteem, I owe her for making me even stronger each day than the day before.

I guess I'm not really C-Blocked By Life, it's just my path. Cause really, if there's no struggle, is it really worth doing?

She's the reason I do what I do everyday!

It Can Be Done.

So, I DID IT! I got up at 5:30am this morning and was able to achieve my goal of getting in 11 hours and being finished by 6pm this evening with my work for the day. I had the night reserved for me. I didn't get alot accomplished, but I didn't worry about work. I am really stressing about getting more stuff done for KJOI. I so am devoted to what Kara is doing, I just don't all the time in the world to do it. I mean between having to work all the time, having Stella, having a husband who's going back to school, and trying to do a couple other scrapbooking industry related things, I am plumb tuckered out. Hopefully my new plan of getting up at 5:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays will do that for me. HOPEFULLY. Also, my husband going back to school will in a pretty short period of time help alleviate alot of my stress by him being able to get a much higher paying job, and he's going into the design field to boot, so that should be interesting. I'm just so whacked out in the head most of the time that as I'm typing this right now I sort of feel like I'm floating on a cloud. Does that make sense? I think that stems from not getting enough sleep the last two years and being anemic and being on my period now. It's just a triple whammy.

I have a ton of ideas written down in my special book that I like to keep all my ideas in I just need to make that special time for those special ideas. They deserve it the little guys. I need to nurture something of my own, as I don't have a baby anymore, well yet anyway. More on that later. So, for the moment, I need to make my art my baby. If I ever want to get anywhere in this world, I must feed that inside of me which inspires and excites. Power to the people!

Time Management, It's Worth A Shot...

So, I've decided that what my life needs is TIME MANAGEMENT! I will attempt to go to bed by around 11:30pm and awaken my slumbering sluggish body by 5:30am. The reason I am doing this is so that I can be done with that silly job stuff earlier in the day and have time for myself and other more artsy pursuits in the evening, and hopefully not have to work weekends either. You see, I have the complete luxury of being able to work from home 5 out of 7 days of the week, but, 2 days a week I'm supposed to work at my bosses house. In the process of living the tumultuous life that I do (JK), I end up working nearly every single day all day long because I can't get my poop in a group. With the amount of work I "feel" like I'm doing, I would think I could get like 70 hours in a week, but somehow I manage to just barely achieve over 43 each week, sometimes less. Anyhow, my solution is to get up earlier and get done sooner! New mantra: GET UP EARLIER, GET DONE SOONER! Come on girls, join me now. Alrighty, don't let me forget to set my alarm.

Even the animals knew it was too damn hot.

I decided Friday night at work to take Stella to the Zoo on Saturday. I knew it wasn't going to be as hot as it had been in the past two weeks. Well, was I wrong, it was so hot, I felt like I was melting, even the animals knew it was too damn hot to be at the zoo. They were all hiding in the shade laughing at all us idiots who weren't wearing sunscreen. I didn't realize until hours later that I had a great little sunburn going in the shape of what I wore yesterday, it looks very pretty. You see, I don't tan, so any color besides whiteish blue is "tan-like" for me. As far as the heat goes, since having my surgery, I am cold all the time. When I am working at home I usually have the air conditioner off, a sweater on and sometimes I'm evening sitting with a blanket on my lap. So, that heat yesterday was so intense, I literally felt like I was leaking. Oh well, this is what we go through to take a 3 year old to the zoo for the first time. She seemed to like it, what animals she could actually see from her vantage point, it's easy to forget they are at least 2.5 feet shorter than you. She did well, and never complained.

Lastnight I completed another kit. I like this one, but I'm not passionate about it. I have so many ideas and not enough time that by the time I get hyped about it, I've thought of so much more but haven't had time to devote to it that I'm sort of over the first one already. But, if I kept that up, I'd never put out anything now would I. So, here it is, I do like it, so I hope you do too.

Felt like a real mom.

Today was the first day in quite a while where I actually felt like a mother to my amazing daughter. Most of the time I am obsessed with working, making her behave the way I think she should and keeping her out of trouble. But, today I knew it had to be different. grandma and I took her to a nearby water park called McClumpha Park. It is a park area with the normal playground equipment, but there's also an area that is for children with almost a foam like surface that has large scale equipment that squirts out water everywhere. Well, we took her lastyear and we couldn't get her to play and this year, we couldn't get her to leave. It was a blast, but extremely hot and muggy. Then we went to lunch at Einstein Brothers and came home and she swam in her little pool. She kept saying to the both of us that she had a fun day. When daddy came home we ate dinner and then she went in her pool again, but this time daddy got in the pool too. She loved it, they were splashing and playing for easily over an hour. So good to see them play and laugh together. After the pool, she got a bath, I know, more water, then we took a little walk. The goal was to wear her out so she would sleep really well. I love this kid so much, I can't believe she's 3 already. She keeps telling me that she wants a girl, meaning a sister. She already has an imaginary friend she calls Brother, who happens to be a girl. This morning while we were brushing our teeth, she kept looking around and said Brother is playing ball in the house with her friends. I said who are they and she said brother has 2 brothers. She has informed me that when she gets a girl, brother will disappear. Sometimes she just makes me laugh and scares me just a little.

I want to wear Little Pants.

Today felt like such a long day. On the days I am semi-required to work at my bosses home, I feel like it's sort of wasted time. In the time it takes me to commute, I could get in an extra hours worth of work and save a few dollars in gas money, but Monday's and Friday's are "My" days. My husband is unusually chipper this afternoon, he has been on a diet of sorts since finding out he has high cholesterol I think the number was 234. So, in the last 10 days he's lost about 15 pounds or so, his goal weight is 160 and he's only about 12 pounds from there. I hate him! I had weight loss surgery just over two years ago, and I am still about 30 to 40 pounds from my personal goal, but with 95 gone, I'll keep my mouth shut. I actually asked him if he's cheating on me, jokingly only, I know he is not. He's just been looking to get healthy, I think he has a non-sexual crush on Lance Armstrong, something about participating in the Tour de France, I don't know. He's even decided to get a bunch of gum and try to give up smoking. I've got to give it to him, he has more will power than I do when it comes to certain stuff, but I am aiming to be extremely supportive and am so proud of his progress. It's even got to be making our daughter healthier, with just our little changes. We've stopped giving her chocolate milk, it was just getting to where she only ever asked for that and I always had to tell her, "No, it's white milk or water with dinner." Now, she only asks grandma for chocolate milk, she doesn't buy it any more either. Anyhow, I just let Stella put on her FAVE little pants, (3 year old speak for shorts) they are lime green with white polka dots. And, we are BBQing burgers for dinner, grills are awesome aren't they. So Easy! After I work a couple of hours tonight I am hoping to get to finishing my latest kit, "In My Backyard." I am really excited about my latest ideas about how to achieve "new" images. It's all about my own personal photography and photoshop, got to love that. Over and Out.

Coolest Day Evah!

So, I saw this post at Pub Calls looking for Designers for a digital scrapbooking site. I thought to myself, " Gee self, this is something you've been looking to do for some time." So, at I think the very last possible minute, I sent Kara anything and everything I could that could possibly get me chosen to join her team. Well, after not receiving an email, I decided to be ballsy and send her one to ask if I didn't receive one, should I just take it to mean that I was not chosen to be on the team? Well, shortly there after, Kara emails me back to say that my email had ended up in her spam and that she would let me know within a few hours. Needless to say, about an hour later I got this gigantic email, that didn't say yes, but said so much more. I am truly honored to be considered among these other amazing ladies. Thanks again Kara!